So, for relationship disaster #4 I'll be introducing yet another nut case, me.

For my 24th birthday two of my favorite gal pals accompanied me to Vegas. We spent a great weekend dancing and gambling and flirting with cute boys.

->Here is a quick sidenote, this is one of my favorite Vegas stories. We met an adorable group of guys at the bar, they were with a bachelor party (god bless 'em) and staying at our hotel. One of the cute fellas started chatting us up while they were waiting for their party to convene, and once everyone had shown up, we were charged with a task. He sent a dozen Bud Light's over to our table and asked Heather to drop a single Cialis into one of the bottles and mix them up. He then handed one beer to every one in the party. They proceeded to each chug a beer, and near the end of the group beer chug, we saw none other than their cute ambassador swallow awkwardly. Turns out it was Russian roulette of sorts, where the unlucky chap ends up with an artificial hard on whilst out on the town in Vegas all night. We went our separate ways shortly thereafter, and while I'm not sure how the majority of their evening went, I know the poor chap with the hard on had a pretty happy ending. How do I know? I heard all about it over breakfast the next morning...

Sorry, back to the story... I met Mike at the the Hard Rock on my 24th birthday. We were sort of skulking around (with the purpose of meeting boys, of course) and after we walked past him I made the girls double back and pass again. We hit it off right away, it is so cheesy in the retelling, but it could have been a pepe le pew cartoon with the cartoon hearts and the stars over head, we started talking and before long were totally smitten with one another (much to the chagrin of our friends).

Eventually the gals got tired of standing around watching me flirt and went to meet up with some guys from the blackjack tables earlier, I agreed to meet them at The Spearmint Rhino at midnight. I spent the next few hours laughing and talking and gambling with this adorable New Yorker. Mike was funny, smart, really beautiful, and talking to him was like talking to a friend I'd known for years.

Midnight rolled around, but we weren't ready to say goodbye just yet, so he came with me to meet up with the girls. For those of you who are pure of heart and may not know, The Spearmint Rhino is this great strip club in Vegas. The women who work there are unbelievable! I could not believe what some of them could do with their bodies, the athleticism alone blew me away.

The dudes that Jill and Heather had been out with bought us all lap dances "for my birthday." Jill is an awesome lap dance getter which throws my awkwardness into pretty sharp relief. While she is content to lean back and enjoy the show, I get nervous and start asking questions..."so do you do lunges or squats?" Smooth, right?

Later that night, after many lap dances and a plethora of singles lost to dancer's thongs, the Girls headed back to the hotel to hang with the bachelor's from earlier (remember the Cialis?), and Mike and I went out a gamblin'. We roamed all over Vegas that night playing blackjack at every casino we passed and talked until the sun came up that morning.

When I got back to the hotel room the girls had packed my bags so we could hit the road and get back to Denver.

Mike and I said goodbye, but what I'd taken for a Vegas flirtation soon developed into a series of weekend flings, my visiting NYC and him visiting Denver. The relationship eventually ended, because really, what else was ever going to happen really? But he is a really great guy, and we still keep in touch. In fact he got married a few weeks ago to a really great gal.

So where is the disaster? I'll tell you. It wasn't a deal breaker, and had nothing to do with the relationship ending, but it is absolutely the most embarrassing story I have in the arsenal. I think now would be a pretty good time to share it.

In the summer of '04 I went out east to spend a week with Mike at his house on the Jersey shore. This would be the first time I'd be meeting all of his friends and I was pretty nervous. So nervous in fact, that at a clam bake the day we arrived, I started drinking a lot of beer. Everyone was drinking a lot of beer and eating a lot of sausages and clams and running around in the pouring rain and having a hell of a time. After hours of drunken revelry we headed back to the beach house for naps before dinner.

I vaguely remember stumbling around and then falling asleep on the nice comfy bed. What I didn't know until later was that nobody could find me because I'd gotten lost on the way back from the bathroom (it was a big house and I'd had about 45 beers), crawled into the wrong bed, and fallen asleep. The other thing I didn't remember, (but unfortunately do now) was losing my balance in the bathroom, slipping on some wet tile, trying to steady myself by grabbing out for the shower curtain, and ripping down the whole apparatus including tearing down the curtain rod and leaving a gaping hole in the drywall.

You want to talk about psycho! How's that for a first impression?

Labels: Dudes

You may not believe this, but the life of a hot young single gal isn't always as exciting as you might think. Sometimes I get a little lonely all by my self here in my home.

Especially lately. Certainly I am in the midst of a transition, a little bit of a limbo. It has been a really stressful month, wrought with uncertainty and filled with choices. I think I've chosen pretty well, and everything is working itself out nicely.

I may have had to restart my research from the beginning, but in May I will graduate with a masters degree, even if it's not the one I was working towards.

I've been thinking about law school forever but talking about it certainly has helped solidify the plans. It's funny how putting things out in the open helps make things happen.

I've obsessed and stressed and over analyzed things to death these last two months about The Boy. Writing about it and reading what I wrote has really helped me be honest with myself about the relationship. I feel like I was able to make the right decision, putting a stop to a fruitless romantic relationship in lieu of a fruitful platonic relationship. Disappointing? Maybe, but surely a relief to honor my feelings truthfully. On that note, since our romantic entanglement has come to and end, I guess I'll dispense with the nickname and just start referring to him as Jared. (Happy Birthday Jared)

I have become a lot more open with my, ahem, feelings and I've started writing with a lot more honesty. I used to keep it very superficial here, and I kept all of my goings on inside. Sharing more certainly makes me feel more vulnerable and that's kind of a scary thing. But, this is, after all, primarily a journaling space. It is certainly not my intent to hurt any one's feelings, and I do try to be mindful of what I write, because who knows who might read it, but if something is affecting me, and giving me pause, I am inclined to share it. You are welcome to read or not, as you see fit.

My favorite thing about blogging this month has been the response from you. It truly brightens my day to hear from you and read your blogs (if you have one). If you don't have one, we probably know each other in real life, and it makes my life feel more full to keep in touch in this small way.

I hope November was as good to all of you as it was to me, and I hope December will be as well.

Labels: Statements

First, earlier this week an old sorority sister (yes, I was in a sorority, don't judge) crawled out of the woodwork to get in touch. We are not friends, I don't really miss being friends either. Well, more accurately put she just hasn't crossed my mind in years. My curiosity piqued, I checked out her MySpace page to find that this once bright interesting young woman has nothing to say about anything except her wedding and being a "married lady."

All of my friends who are married or engaged retain their personalities and individuality, and continue to be kick ass chicks (and dudes). And I celebrate their happiness, but appreciate their not making some issue out of the fact that poor me, I'm not married. I think I'll live, but I don't need reminding that I'm the only single person I know anymore.

Second, I broke down and did a little drive by on The Boy's MySpace page. I could just kick myself for this, but I was reading his comments, and I noticed one girl left a comment saying she was "sorry she couldn't make the Chicago trip, hehe."

This would be the same Chicago weekend away that he invited me on. Because he had this "great hotel, see, we could have a great time."

That's all his business, and really none of mine, but I don't particularly want to read about it. Did I mention that she's totally hotter than i am? That sucks, and I feel stupid. I hate feeling stupid.

So, MySpace is not my friend, it is the home of the crazy.

Labels: Rants

Spoiler, consider yourself warned!

I do eat up the drama, but this is about the clothes. OK, it's mostly about the clothes.

First let me say what a disappointment this episode was. First of all, this is not a menswear competition. I don't care that they can't make menswear. It felt much too manufactured, the drama, the strife. Whatever. Then Tiki Barber. Yes, he's a hottie, but this is a design competition, and he's on the today show. Not very fresh or innovative. And what exactly qualifies his wife as a menswear expert. Stupid.

All of that aside, I am judging this weeks designs not based on what Tiki might wear on the Today Show but just on the basis of what would be good menswear. I have listed the designers in order, starting with my favorite, and ending with the designer I would have auffed.

Design by Jillian Modeled by Nelson

Given the time constraints, I can overlook a few minor imperfections and say this is a good looking suit. The designers all had the same amount of time to work with here, and Jillian managed FOUR pieces, and none of them with wanky tailoring. I also like the flair that the shirt adds, the collar and pattern make this feel interesting.

Design by Kit Modeled by Ibrahm

I love the blazer done in fleece! It makes this ho-hum look contemporary.

Design by Kevin Modeled by Thomas

I like this look, but it feels a little unfinished to me. Tucking the shirt in and leaving the vest open (and maybe a little longer) would have helped give it a cleaner finish.

Design by Victorya Modeled by Mike

Victorya is one of my early favorites in this competition, but I find this jacket a little too cater-waiter for my tastes.

Design by Elisa Modeled by Connor

I could see this coming from Elisa. Maybe her man would wear something like this. Mine wouldn't, but it definitely has it's own new-age hippie aesthetic. And it's made well and tailored well.

Design by Jack Modeled by Jack

I can't believe Jack won. The only thing interesting about this design is the pocket on the bias. I think I've been on dates with men dressed just like this, and I git the idea that they were simultaneously trying to hard and had absolutely no idea how to dress themselves. I know the original idea included a vest or jacket, and it desperately needed...something. Especially to cover up the waistline on those pants. hideous and very unflattering. Reminds me of cheap women's suit pants from T.J.Maxx.

Design by Chris Modeled by Andres

Hmm, not offensive, but very mistress of the night meets Clive Cussler via dinner theater. Something about the sleeves bothers me, too feminine, and too much black not to look costume-y.

Design by Rami Modeled by Derek

Every time I look at this I change my mind about it. On one hand, it's very Mr. Rogers Neighborhood, reminds me of old men mile-walking at the mall. On the other hand, it's nicely made if a little boring. The Mr. Rogers vibe could be attributed more to the model than the jacket. I just can't decide.

Design by Steven Modeled by Paul

I like the pants a lot. Thank you Steven for the belt loops. But... there's something I just can't put my finger on, something about the neckline. Is that a scarf or a really weird collar. This is another case of the model (or maybe the model's styling) working against the look. It all just comes across as a little severe.

Design by Christian Modeled by David

Oh Christian. He sure think highly of himself, doesn't he. I like the pants, and the shirt is interesting, but the jacket is so ugly it ruins everything else for me. Blech.

Design by Ricky Modeled by Yoneiry

Wow that is one poorly made suit. And that is all I have to say about it, but Ricky's crying is really starting to get on my nerves.

Design by Carmen Modeled by Yaniv

Train wreck! She should have gone ahead with her design and just completed her garments, to hell with what the "menswear expert" Mrs. Tiki Barber has to say about it. A finished "Members Only" jacket would have at least landed her in the middle of the pack on this one, but this revised and unfinished (not to mention ill-fitting) monstrosity got her sent home. Bad choices.

Design by Sweet P Modeled by Marcus

Say what you will about Carmen's poorly made creation, at least it would have been interesting had it been well made. Sweet P's design is so boring. I do like the fabric used for the tie, but I can't believe they didn't send her home for this.

Labels: Project Runway

Two books I can't wait to get my hands on.

My Last Supper: 50 Great Chefs and Their Final Meals

Alone in the Kitchen With an Eggplant

Labels: Books

Labels: Food

Ian was an alcoholic. He was not only uneducated but stupid, He was a mean drunk. He was undoubtedly the ugliest man I've ever met. And, wait for it, when I met him he was on work release from JAIL!

Granted it was the penultimate rebound relationship. I had just had my heart broken in a most profound way. Ian was the polar opposite of my ex, and I guess I was just in need of a little distraction. Ian was a lesson I had to learn the hard way.

I finally did one night in County Cork in Ireland. We were driving to County Kerry and stopped for the night to visit his cousin and uncle. After a long night at the bar, and a lot of hash (this was a long time ago), we got into a huge fight. I don't remember what it was about, but it was a knock down, drag out fight, and things got physical. He never hit me, but he shook the shit out of me, and slammed me against the wall. I was so scared of him that night. I made nice for the rest of my visit, but broke up with him as soon as I got back to the states.

He also got back a few weeks later and ran into some hard times. First he got fired from his job. *Sidenote: We also worked together. This is a glaring pattern for me, dating coworkers.* He got fired for harassing me. Well, kind of stalking me and then freaking out at work in front of a bunch of customers.

Then his dad died. This was hard of course. I was actually very fond of both his parents, and although I wanted to be there for him in a time of need, I knew I couldn't. I know how violence escalates. He had been in jail for assault, after Ireland I swore I wouldn't put myself in a situation like that twice. So I refused to see him.

That made him crazy! and he started calling me all the time at all hours of the day, always drunk. Just when I started considering changing my number he left me a drunken message saying he was moving back to Ireland (where he didn't have a criminal record) to get a better job.

This was something like six years ago, and he still gets drunk and calls me on occasion. The most recent was this morning. I have never once answered the phone or responded to his many messages. They are always rambling and incoherent, and always come in this succession

1. He it's me, just wanted to say hi.
2. How come you never answer my calls?
3. Why did you leave me you stupid bitch?
4. I hate you you, c##t, you f*****g bitch, you are such a snob, you deserve to be miserable.
5. More like #4.
6. See #4
7. Again
8. Repeat
9. I miss you, why won't you call me back, I just wanted to talk about that time when we...
10. (Always received the next day) Sorry about those messages last night, I was drunk. Hope you are doing well. I understand why you never answer my calls, I promise to never bother you again.

Six years of this! Usually he only acts up around the holidays, but sometimes, like this morning, he'll pop up for no reason.

So, lessons learned so far:
Don't date coworkers
Don't date felons
Don't date coworkers who are felons

Check

Labels: Dudes

One thing I think is kind of cool about this site is that it gives you all of these personality test type questions and suggests how well you would match up with other users. From your answers to these questions it generates some icons that supposedly describe you to other users.

Here are mine:

Apparently I am (from top left) more independent, less lawful, less old fashioned, less pure, less spiritual, more spontaneous and less romantic.

I kind of sound like a monster.

Do you Match Me?

Take My MatchMe Test

Brought to you by:
OkCupid - Free Online Dating!

Another cool thing is that people can take a little test and see how compatible you are as friends or lovers or whatever.

So, I've only been on for a few days, but here are some snippets from a few responses I've gotten:

"I'm a fairly immature 23 year old with more free time than I should have and less free time than I want."
Way to sell yourself buddy.

This one in full, because i believe you will be as dazzled by his wit as I was.
"Hello...

I enjoyed reading your profile very much. If you do read my profile you will notice that I didn't put the usual likes and dislikes about me on the profile, so I guess I better tell you a bit more about me right now. Fasten your seat belt for this:
One time, during a trip to Canada with mommy dearest, I single-handedly defended a small village from a ferocious horde of army ants using only a small glass of water and a spoon.
On occasion, I visit area attractions to translate ethnic slurs for tourists.
Every other Wednesday, in the afternoon, I repair small appliances at no-cost from a treehouse.
During my lunchbreaks, I can be seen studying train stations to make improvements in the area of heat retention.
Okay... enough of the sillies.
You seem like a great person worth knowing.
Bye for now...
P.S. What day would yesterday be if Thursday is four days before the day after tomorrow?"

"You are gorgeous!! I would love to take you out to dinner. Do you like Thai food?"
That's a nice offer, or it would be if this guy even lived in the state of Colorado.

" My gosh.
You should just know that you're totally awesome and gorgeous. Still probably a dork though. *wink*"
And here is his picture:

If this guy was lurking in my bushes I'd mace him. That is not necessarily the reaction I'm looking for when trying to attract dates.

So I'm probably going straight to hell for making fun of these guys who are just trying to put themselves out there, but seriously?

Labels: Schmaltz

Albany
Cincinnati
CU
DU
Golden Gate
Gonzaga
Miami
Montana
Quinnipac
South Dakota
Wyoming

Labels: Statements

Today I'm having another of those how-did-this-become-my-life moments. This afternoon I have to lecture again for Transport Phenomena. I don't mind, I've always had a pretty good grasp of the subject and found it to be one of the more interesting things we study. I can deliver a terrific lecture, especially today's lecture. It's really just about manipulating the calculus. The professor calls it the "wizardry of calculus," I like that.

A problem would arise if one of the students were to ask a question. I need to do everything in a very methodical way so I don't confuse myself and get off track. Fortunately the kids are all too bored to really pay attention and ask questions, they're just waiting for me to get through the lecture and show them how to do today's lab assignment.

Fine by me. I still can't get over the fact that it's my responsibility to impart knowledge to anyone at all.

P.S. Did I ever tell you guys about a professor i had, another professor, incredibly brilliant guy, but so stereotypically absent minded professor type. His two favorite terms to use while lecturing were phenomena and specific, but he couldn't pronounce either word correctly. Often referring to a Specific Phenomena, more often than not he would describe a Pacific Phemomena...

Labels: Metallurgy, Update

So my body has been acting kind of haywire all month, and it took me weeks to figure out that my pills are whacked out, and I am not, in fact, with child. This has also happened before, I've had to change the type of pill I take several times. I originally went on the pill because I have fibroid tumors and incredibly painful cramps. Being on the pill helps a lot, but eventually my body gets used to the hormones and I have horrible cramps again, and I have to head back to the MD for a tune up.

I woke up this morning with horrible cramps, and horrible PMS. At least I didn't have to do any lab work today, I was able to sit all day and work on a report. But, all day I'm craving chocolate and salty chips. How trite, I know, but I'd packed a nice healthy lunch, an apple and lots of fresh veggies. I couldn't pack anything more substantial because I desperately need to go buy groceries.

I am a responsible grocery shopper, I make a list, I only buy what's on it, and I stick to fresh, unprocessed foods. Here was my list today:
Toilet Paper
Honey
Sparkling Water
Cream of Wheat
Veggies
Fig Jam
Navy beans
Chicken Sausages
Clementines
Plain Yogurt
Eggs
Skim Milk
Parmesan Cheese
Dark Chocolate Bar

Nothing major, the jam, beans and chicken sausage are for a healthified version of franks and beans I've dreamed up. I can't wait to get it started, but the beans have to soak overnight.

I couldn't decide between Cream of Wheat and Malt-o-Meal, I haven't had either in years and I love them both. I bought both, I won't run out for years.

Finally the chocolate. I don't eat a lot of sweets but I like to have a bar of dark chocolate in the fridge so I can occasionally break off a square and have a little bite. This is where the whole plan fell apart. Blame the hormones. I couldn't decide which variety sounded better, so I bout a few. OK, more than a few. I bought 5 chocolate bars! I'm not going to scarf them all down in one go, but I have a fridge full of options.

I also gave in to a bag of Natural White Cheddar Cheetos. I've mentioned these before. They are like crack, and they have no preservatives which I love. (Nobody believes me, but I swear I can taste preservatives in food.)

So, tomorrow I'm trying out a new healthy recipe, but tonight I'm curling up on the couch and pigging out on fresh veggies, Cheetos and chocolate.

Labels: Update

This is all why I like him so much. He really is a great guy, we are just in 2 different places right now (both literally and figuratively). I have absolutely no ill will toward him, and I do hope we can pursue a friendship. Well, maybe pursue isn't the right word, but when we are in the same place at the same time I'll be happy for the occasion to hang out.

Labels: Dudes

Labels: Football

Labels: Stupid

Last night Cook called and after I finished watching a great movie, White Christmas, I threw on some clothes (and a hat, bad hair day) and drove to Belmar to meet up and see Savage Henry. If the music was good, the company was better. It was a pretty short night, but it was great to get out of the house, even for a bit.

Labels: Update

Yeah right, kind of a weak line, but I figured that I probably need to go out with someone other than The Boy eventually. Get back on the horse so to speak, maybe move on. He ended up calling about an hour later, kind of an eager beaver, I must have been really enticing in my jammies. I didn't have any plans tonight, so I agreed to a movie, we planned for 9 pm.

Nice enough guy, zero attraction intellectually or physically, but nice guy. I won't be seeing him again. As soon as he left I thought about The Boy and how much more fun he is than everyone else. And now I compare every man I meet to him and nobody seems to have a chance.

When I met The Boy, I had recently ended things with the Lurker, and decided that I just wasn't cut out for casual sex or a friends with benefits type situation any longer. I am happier alone than with an iffy vague relationship that doesn't really mean much. So for months The Boy and I were just friends. We hung out and had fun and sometimes snuggled and talked about our mutual affection and respect and how the right thing to do would be to remain just friends. Platonic. Nothing more. No muddying the waters. No ambiguity.

Of course the next morning we kissed for the first time.

And so I found myself right back in the kind of relationship that I find so easily, but doesn't make me happy. Only stress and a good old fashioned dose of the crazy.

So last night I was laying in bed, restless, and unable to sleep and all I could think about was weather or not I should head up for the Movember party and The Boy's birthday this weekend. It became clear to me that this is not going anywhere, and although I'd be a lot "cooler" if I was fine with the way things are, the truth is I'm not.

This is a big step for me. Maybe some emotional maturity, realizing that what I want may not be what's best for me? I was a little nervous, afraid to be seen as overemotional or needy, but I decided that, for me, enough was enough. I got up and penned the following.

"Hey I think I'm going to pass on next weekend. Thanks for the invite, but I'm not too keen on the whole friends with benefits situation. Frankly you don't seem too interested in me, so I'm just going to let this go. I hope you have a great birthday, and I'm sure I'll see you on the river next summer."

And I sent it right off. Maybe I'll regret closing that door, but I really think our timing was just really bad. I wish I'd met him when his light was on. I totally feel like I'm making a mountain out of a molehill, "breaking up" with someone with whom I never even had a relationship. At least getting out before I get kind of heartbroken, we can still be friends. You know, at a later date.

Labels: Dudes, Statements

I stayed for about 3 hours, and then headed home. It was fine.

I am trying to make a decision about what to do this weekend. The Boy has asked me to come up for a visit. On one hand, I'd like to because I'd like to spend some time with him. On the other hand I feel like I'm the only one making an effort. He never comes down here to visit. Granted it's a lot more fun up there, and this time he's invited me up to go to a party, so it would be a lot of fun. I don't know.

I'm definitely giving it more thought and attention than I'd like. I think I'm imposing too many of my own expectations on him which is unfair since I've never really told him how I feel either. I guess I'm not really sure. I'd like to get more involved but I'm scared of getting attached again, and I guess I'm a little cautious of being rejected. Also I don't see him often enough to be anything more than friends, but every time i see him we sleep together, and that certainly isn't the kind of relationship I want. And I don't even know where I'll be living in 9 months so it seems like a bad time to get involved with someone, especially someone so vague. And who knows, he's probably catting around up there all the time anyway (at least that's what Jill says, she's probably right).

Wow, I don't seem crazy at all do I?

I guess it would probably be smart not to go up there and just detach myself, but it seems unfair to just disappear and not give an explanation. But it is a little too scary to put myself out there so far.

Ugh, I wish I could just forget all about it.

Labels: Update

Labels: Video

Spoiler, consider yourself warned!

I do eat up the drama, but this is about the clothes. OK, it's mostly about the clothes.

Oh, the ubiquitous "Things I'm Thankful For" post.

1. My Parents!
2. My great friends!
3. Murphy and Kitty!
4. Cable TV (I love it, I really do)
5. Lots of good books (My apartment is like a little library)
6. My computer, the internet
7. My job and education
8. Cheese

There is more, but I think that will do for today.

Labels: Raves

Labels: Statements

The Ice Dancer I'll call him for anonymity's sake. When I met him, I wasn't particularly attracted to him, and because of his job I assumed he was a loser. Turns out hes was just an underachiever of epic proportions. We worked for the same company, but in different groups for several months until he and I were transferred to a new research group. I was an engineer, and he was a tech, but I was so junior that we ended up doing a lot of the same things.

After working together for a month or two (during which time I went through a pretty mild breakup)we started getting along. I learned that he had a political science degree from a pretty posh college and was just working to pay the bills. He was well read and has a very dry, quick wit heavy with sarcasm.

I began to like him and found myself becoming more attracted to him the more time we spent together. We began work on a long pilot project, 26 days of 12 hour shift work in a row, no days off, no weekends. About half way through the project we became aware of how much we were flirting. With a week to go we decided that once we had a day off we'd go on a date.

It was a great date. On our second date we decided to see each other exclusively. In retrospect it seems hasty, but at the time it didn't feel that way. We spent so much time together already it felt pretty natural. After that thing were great. We had so much in common and so much fun together. It was certainly one of the most intellectual relationships I've ever had.

We never spent much time with my friends, frankly because they thought he was gay. He was an Ice Dancer and had a lot of very feminine qualities and mannerisms. Neither of which necessarily means he's gay. The fact that he used to sleep with men lends a little more credibility to that theory. I have always considered myself very open minded, so I decided not to be bothered by it. And in all honesty I really wasn't.

I thought everything was going really well, I was happy and I thought he was too. Right up until the day after his birthday. The night before we'd had a big birthday dinner with his friends. Looking back I've tried to think of something foreshadowing the breakup, but I really, really didn't see it coming.

We had tickets to a nuggets game, we talked several times during the day about our plans (we worked together after all) and decided where we wanted to go to dinner. I left work around noon to go to school, and the plan was to meet at my place at 5 and head out. At 4:30 he called and told me he wasn't coming ever. Despite the fact that we worked together (and shared an office) he refused to tell me more than that ever, just saying he had no explanation.

I'm still a little miffed. I ended up leaving that job (for reasons that had nothing to do with him) and I never found out what happened, or got any closure at all. But we were only dating for a few months so; easy come, easy go, I guess.

Labels: Dudes

When I finished my work today (loads of paperwork) I set about checking my links. On an average day I go through my link list and check every one's blogs for updates several times (sorry if I've been blog-stalking you). What can I say, I get bored waiting for things to happen. Sometimes I check out other blogger's link lists.

Today I found Confessions of a College Callgirl. I read her entire archives tonight. I am simultaneously a little horrified and a little enthralled. But completely engaged.

Labels: Check it

Labels: Raves

Speaking of the holidays, I like this time of year, but I've always been a bit of a grouch. I'm not that into decorating and singing carols, although I do love watching Bing Crosby in White Christmas, and Mr. Magoo in A Christmas Carol. I managed to knock out about 80% of my Christmas shopping today after work. There are a couple small things I'd like to pick up, but it's definitely a nice thing to not have to worry about.

As far as Thanksgiving is concerned, I know how terrible this sounds, but I really don't want to go over to my aunt's house. I have seen a lot of my parents lately, maybe a little too much. I need a little break. And I'm not in the mood for the rest of my family. It's the questions, when are you going to get married, when are you going to have kids. It gets a little old.

I feel frustrated, it's not like I wouldn't love to meet someone and fall madly in love, get married and get on with my life. It isn't like I wouldn't love to get a great job that actually pays a decent salary and stop living paycheck to paycheck, and buy a house. I want to do all those things, but I want to go to law school so I can have the type of career that will make me happy too. It isn't like I like being poor and not having a life, I just think my education is important too.

I guess I'm also feeling a little lonely lately. I hate feeling like this, especially because right now I think I can attribute it to The Boy popping into and right back out of my life at random. The way boys do, as if they have some kind of radar that lets them know when they are almost out of your system. I know he isn't even aware of it, he's like a little kid with ADD. Excited about whatever is right in front of him. Oh an X-Box! Oh Drea! Oh a new game! Oh some beer! I'm trying not to take it personally.

Labels: Rants, Update

After an early work day yesterday, I headed to Aurora to pick up my mom and take Murphy to the vet. We go to the vet in PetSmart during wellness hours on Saturdays. Usually we show up early, but because I had to work that wasn't an option, so we had a very long wait. Here are some hilarious pictures of Murph in a clown wig (he did not like that) and a short video I made of Murph in some different hats (he didn't like that either).

That evening we went to Ted's Montana Grill for dinner. My mom had the salmon which was good.

Despite the expanse of their menu, my dad and I split a burger. They have the second best burgers I've ever had. Mmm, I like mine with swiss and green chili strips.

Apart from the one picture of my mom and myself above (in which we look terribly uptight, like always), my dad shot maybe six really bad pictures of us from various bad angles because we were laughing so hard at how bad the pictures were, and my dad was egging it on and making it worse. We (well, our huge noses) look terrible in profile, and he was doing everything he could to get us from the worst possible angle.

After catching up on Dexter and Weeds (my folks have Showtime, I don't) I came home and spent the day watching football and cleaning my place up. Early to bed tonight because I have to be at work really early again tomorrow. I prepared a chicken ( with garlic for the crockpot, tomorrow morning I'll pop it in before I head in to work, and have a nice hot meal ready when I get home. Yay!

Labels: Dad, Mom, Murphy, Video

1. Work; certain things need to be done by Monday so I got up with the chickens this morning and went and took care of them. I worked until about 1.
2. The Dreaded Vet; Murph was due for some shots and he also had 2 huge grass seeds stuck in his ear. The vet got them out with this very intimidating forcep-type implement. Murphy was so relieved to be done with that part of the visit that he didn't even notice the shots.
3. Oil change and Snow Tires.
4. Mom's Birthday Dinner. At least now the work is over, we can have some fun at dinner.

Labels: Update

I had a double cheeseburger from the McDonald's Dollar Menu, left Murph at home to go to a show, and imbibed many glasses of wine. Oh well, today is a new day folks!

Let's get to the goods, shall we:

Can I just say that I love Mike! I am so happy he came into Suzie's and subsequently our lives. I can only imagine he must get sick of my running my mouth non-stop like it's my full time job whenever I'm over visiting, but he never acts like it. And he makes Suzie so happy. Yay love!

And Yay Jill! You all must think I have a crush on Jill. And I say, why not. I love me some Jill,. Unlike Mike, when I get on her nerves she doesn't hesitate to let me know that I need to shut up. That doesn't mean I ever listen to her. Maybe she will see this picture and decide to start smiling for the camera?

The darkness at the Bluebird isn't too conducive to a lot of picture snapping, we did get this one great group shot.

Those are some serious Hands of Rock.

Bob Schneider this time was a little less eventful than last time. But I think that's how we like it now. Suzie and Tanya were responsible and went right home after the show. Jill and I "forgot" we had to work in the morning, and headed out to Mezcal for a couple of beers and some tacos.

What do you do when you want to leave the bar, but you're not done with your beer? Smuggle it out in your pants, of course!

Labels: Jill, Suzie, Tanya

Last time I saw Bob Schneider was several years ago (like maybe 6?) in Boulder. This was back in the day when Tanya was still a groupie. Well, a groupie-lite really. I'd never heard of Bob Schneider before, but I like live music and I like the ladies so I went along. After the show we were hanging out on his tour bus (I know, cheesy right?) and a nice looking gentleman came up to me and asked my name. I told him and asked him his name.

"Um, Bob, you're on my bus."
"Nice to meet you Bob"

Right. I felt like such a rude ass hole.

Labels: Looking Forward To...

I do eat up the drama, but this is about the clothes. OK, it's mostly about the clothes.

Click here to see a slide show of the designs.

The Designers

Carmen: Loved it! Update* Hate the genie in a bottle pants.

Chris: Shiny

Christain: I thought this was hideous until it was on the model. I would have liked the jacket cropped a few more inches. Update* I think the proportion of the coat looks better in the picture.

Elisa: Marionettes? Cool! But, probably off her rocker. Those boots are terrible. And the heavy train ruined the dress. The cut from the knees up is beautiful. The finishing you could get away with in a piece of art probably doesn't translate well on a person. Even the skinniest model I've ever seen. I'd like to see more of her marionettes. I'm glad we get to see her again, hopefully she'll learn to edit quickly.

Jack: So pretty. As long as you have zero back fat.

Jillian: Don't remember Update* Wow that thing's ugly. And is it kind of crooked?

Kit: A little too abstract for me.

Kevin: Don't remember Update* I hate this. I really, really hate this.

Marion: Slutty. Update* And really, really ugly. I don't think this hem looks any better than crazy Elisa's crazy hem.

Rami: Good construction. Boring, and not kind to the boobs. I'm disappointed. He's the winner.

Ricky: Tacky fabric. I like lingerie that looks like lingerie, but I like dresses that look like dresses.

Simone: Bad construction, and very dressed in the dark with the jacket match. Her model looks so bored! I was bored too. She's out.

Steven: Don't remember Update* Boring. Pretty. But boring

Sweet P: Biker chick turned fashion designer? Update* pretty fabric, but I hate the fit.

Victorya: Love the sleeve ribbons. Who cares if you can't hail a cab in that thing? Gorgeous, my favorite tonight.

Labels: Project Runway

2. Murphy had a pretty long day at home today, and a pretty short walk this morning. Unfortunately it was too dark for a long walk when I got home from work, but we've played a lot of catch-the-snoopy.

3. Coffee this morning, a Quizno's Flatbread Sammie for lunch (Sonoma Turkey, extra lettuce, extra tomato, 160 Calories, but just filling for lunch). The last piece of meatloaf for dinner (thank goodness, i couldn't possibly eat any more meatloaf.) I need to do some grocery shopping, I'm craving some veggies but I don't have any in the fridge. Not the best diet today from a balance point of view, but no junk food. Well, not really.

4. No Myspace! The crazy is folding up in a little box and then sliding into my pocket... away from the light of day.

5. No Alcohol! No Problem! Wine is like candy, keep either in the house and I'll devour it. If it's not here, I don't miss it.

6. TV! I am so bad at this. I know how much I enjoy unplugging the boob tube and turning up some tunes, but I don't do it! I was pretty excited for Project Runway though!

Labels: Update

I've been playing this vocabulary game when I need a little break or when I'm lazing around watching TV. For each word you get right, they donate 10 grains of rice to the United Nations World Food Program.

You can click on the banner above or the one to the right to get started.

Labels: Check it

Labels: Dad, Stupid

I got to school about 7:30 this morning, and one of my favorite things is grabbing a cup of coffee and opening up my lab. At first I was bemused that I could go all day with out seeing anyone else (my lab is a bit of a dungeon), but now I find it comforting and peaceful.

My goals for the week... well, I managed to stay away from junk food, I haven't been drinking anything but water and cranberry juice, and I haven't gone near MySpace. The exercise thing and Murphy-loving thing are sort of bigger than one day, so we'll wait and see, but I failed miserably on my TV goal. I went home a little earlier than usual yesterday.

I'd worked an extra long day on Monday, and had some things I wanted to work on from my computer at home. As soon as I walked in the door, TV was on, and I couldn't sleep last night, so the Tube was on longer than usual. Eh, it's not like failing to reach a goal one day doesn't mean I can't try again the next day.

Finally, I worked on my law school admissions essays last night. This should be done already, I've been putting it off far too long. I have to say my first attempt wasn't too good. Much too autobiographical. I'll give it another shot tonight. My plan is to write several essays, and take the paragraphs and sentences I like from each of them and hopefully turn that into something focused with purpose. My Goal is to have the essay finalized and my applications done by the 15th of December.

Labels: Update

Unfortunately, applying to law school is a very expensive business. And I think I'm going to end up applying to about 7 schools. (Hopefully one of them will welcome me with open arms. And financial aid.) When all is said and done I think that will run me about $700. Hopefully not more. That's my money-I'll-never-see-again budget.

I'm trying to spread it out over a few months, so I can afford thing like... I don't know... what is it now November?... Oh right, Christmas presents. I have been thinking about it all year, when I think of something my mom or dad would like I write it down on a list I keep on the fridge, that way I'm not scrambling for a gift idea at the last minute and drawing a blank.

This has turned into a pretty long tangent, my original point is that when I do buy something that is a non-necessity, I put a lot of thought into it. When shoe shopping I never buy on a first date. I go home and if, a week later (or maybe two) I'm still lusting after a particularly hot pair then I go buy them. It takes a while to get into my proverbial pants.

When shopping for clothes, I just don't. I haven't spent a dime on clothing in almost five months. And then it was out of necessity, I couldn't zip up any of my pants, and I needed one pair of jeans that fit without greasing up my thighs to slide them on.

I don't need any clothes right now, I wear the same thing to work everyday (so I don't ruin anything new), and I don't desire any clothes right now because I haven't been inside a shop for months.

There are some things I do have my eye on right now. I don't wear it often, but I absolutely love make-up. I won't be in need of any for a little while, but when I am, I have been compiling this little wish list. I'm thinking I might go shopping to ring in the new year.

I actually have this little vanity problem, and maybe a little modesty problem, because although I don't consider myself a great beauty, I do consider my eyelashes pretty amazing. Ever since my girlfriend Sameera told me about it, I have been lusting after Dior's Diorshow Mascara.

I love blush. I love love love cream blush, I always, and unabashedly wear too much. I've been wearing Sweet William Blushcreme from MAC, but I'm almost out and I think I've decided to try NARS Creme Blush in Lokoum or Cactus Flower.

Ooh, Stila Smudge Pots gel eyeliner/eyeshadow in Jet Black. I love gel eyeliner, that liquid look, but with some serious staying power.

Benefit, BADgal Blue. This is the kind of purchase I almost always regret, the kind of thing that couldn't possibly live up to the hype, but i already know that sooner or later I'll splurge anyway.

Time Balm, best concealer ever, 'nuff said.

Origins A Perfect World for eyes, perfect eye cream if you are looking for one.

The only kind of lipstick I like to wear is MAC Lipstick. I love their Lustre finishes, almost every color looks great because they are a little sheer.

MAC Eyeshadow in Shroom. Say what you will, but I've never found a cheaper brand that covers and blends as well, not to mention lasts.

Labels: Product Endorsement

2. Give Murph more attention. I've been working a lot more lately and I think Murphy is feeling a little neglected. I think if we go on extra walks that will help a lot. And maybe I'll put his toys where he can reach them so he can play a little more and sulk a little less.

3. No junk food! Nothing but coffee all day and a half a pizza when I get home is not going to get me back down to a size 4. I don't really care about being that thin, and I'm pretty happy with my body, but my clothes don't fit anymore, and I can't afford a new wardrobe.

4. No MySpace! It's been one day, and so far so good. I figure anything I can do to minimize The Crazy is a good thing. MySpace fosters The Crazy, it nurtures it, and allows it to blossom and grow.

5. No alcohol on weekdays. I never used to drink during the week. I really need to not keep wine in the house. I have one glass, then another and maybe another, then I don't get a good night's sleep and I'm dehydrated. Plus (see # 3) that's a lot of calories I don't need.

6. Watch no more than three hours of TV a day. I can't believe that's something I even have to work on. But it's gotten bad. I get home from work about 4:30 or 5 and the first thing I do is turn on the TV. I don't shut it off until I go to bed at 10. I never used to watch this much TV. Last night I watched 2 shows and that was it. The rest of the evening I listened to music and read a book, and it was very peaceful. So , less TV!

So six goals, maybe a little ambitious, but I'm trying for just one week, that should be manageable.

Labels: Statements

I looked in the mirror this evening and was surprised at the woolly beast looking back at me. My eyebrows were out of control. I'm Italian, we're a hairy people. I've known from age 14 that I need to stay on top of the eyebrows or I veer dangerously close to uni-brow territory. Dangerously close.

The upside is that when you forget to wax the eyebrows it's like a blank slate. I decided to try a new brow shape. A little thinner. I may have overdone it a bit. Wouldn't be the first time. I used to have cocktails and wax. And then give myself bangs. Both bad ideas.

Labels: Stupid

Sometimes I do things here at school, and I have these sweeping moments of clarity, kind of like, how is this my life? How did I get to a place where I even know this stuff. Typing the following made me have one such moment:

The gradient term of the free energy is defined to be minimized when Q_n (the local order parameter) is obtained. In practice, this minimum cannot be obtained. It is frustrated mathematically because of the noncommutativity of rotations, and physically because of the impossibility of filling space with icosahedra.

Seriously, what? How do I even know what that means? And I realize that I will forget it all as soon as I leave university, and that I will never again be as smart as I am now. That's pretty much OK with me, maybe I'll learn something useful instead.

My Personal Life
What personal life? I don't even care right now. I have too much going on to care really. I did get to recharge this weekend like I wanted to, and it was totally worth it. It's also fun to just hang with Jilly, although the anchovy pizza we ordered for dinner had some deleterious effects on my body. And The Reaping was kind of lame if you were wondering.

My Internet Life
Jill pointed out that I am addicted to the Internet. Tell me something I don't know. I am vowing to stay off MySpace for one week. Every time I log on I feel like a stalker. Especially when I am being a bit of a stalker. I wasn't even on MySpace until a few months ago, and I think I was better off that way. I'll let you know how it goes.

NaBloPoMo is having an interesting effect on my blogging. I thought my posts would become more and more mundane as the month progressed, but instead I think the opposite is happening. I'm usually not a really emotional person (unless I've had a bottle of wine) but my posts are becoming more and more personal the more I write. I used to keep the personal stuff off the blog, because who knows who'll read it, but the more I write lately, the less I care.

I'm starting to feel OK with people knowing what I'm really feeling, and as a notorious "tough girl" that's a really big deal for me. I guess I put a little honesty out there, and when I don't get ridiculed as expected, it becomes a little easier to put a little more out. I'd better be careful, or people might begin thinking I'm sensitive and girly. Yikes!

Another great thing about NaBloPoMo is I am finding a lot of great new blogs to read, and I was quoted! I may be a geek, but I was totally flattered. This Post by Zandria, made me laugh out loud, and introduced me to a lot of new blogs that I'm looking forward to checking out.

Labels: Check it, Update

The Piano Teacher, according to Wikipedia:

"Erika (Isabelle Huppert) is a piano professor at a Vienna music conservatory. Although in her late thirties, she lives in an apartment with her overprotective and controlling mother (Annie Girardot). Lonely and alienated, she has an unhealthy love-hate relationship with her mother. She is a first-rate teacher but cruel to her students, even attempting to ruin a talented girl. Behind the prudish façade, she is a sexually repressed woman with a long list of extreme fetishes. Upon meeting Walter (Benoît Magimel), a charming engineering student in his twenties, she becomes obsessed with him. He is also a capable performer and shares in her appreciation for Schumann and Schubert."

It won the Nobel Prize for Literature in 2004 . I'm only about half way through, but so far it strikes me as interesting, and well written, and kind of erotic, and kind of sad.

On Saturday I made breakfast, and played with Murph and my sweet cat. Despite our intentions to go out and mingle, Jill and I mutually, and independent of one another, came to decide that it was a no go. Instead I watched some movies.

I watched Evening, which was nice and made me cry. I watched Saved!, which was pretty darn funny and made me like Mandy Moore a little more, and I am ashamed to say I watched Love and Basketball, which made me cringe actually, but not enough to change the channel.

This morning I was going to go in to work, and I got dressed, found my keys, packed Murph into the car and headed to campus. Once I got to my building I remembered that although I had my lab keys, my keys to the building were in my lab. So much for good intentions. I ran Murph around the commons for a while and headed home for kickoff.

I was great to see the Broncos victorious, and at Arrowhead no less!

Jill and I went to meet Sarah for lunch, and then headed back to my place for a few cocktails and another movie, The Reaping. Oh shit, i forgot how Jill reacts to surprises during horror movies. She just reminded me. She's a screamer.

Labels: Jill, Kitty, Murphy

I tried to think of a list like that, traits or qualities I might be looking for in a partner. I used to date very short boys, almost exclusively, but knocked it off after I realized it was only because I had a thing for a very short friend who I wanted desperately but could never have. Other than that phase I can't think of anything particular I've been attracted to or sought out.

When I think about the kind of man I am looking for, I think about situations and scenarios.

I think about sitting on a patio drinking coffee in the morning sunlight bundled up in thick socks and a woolly sweater in the chilly air, just cold enough that you can see the steam rising off the coffee and your breath after you take a sip.

I think of sitting on a high chair in the kitchen sipping a chilled pinot gris with low music coming from the living room chopping mushrooms and laughing and watching someone else cook dinner.

I think of throwing a football around the back yard during half-time.

I think of walking Murph to get an ice cream after dinner on a warm weeknight.

I think of drinking icy cold beers and flipping great big steaks on the grill.

I think of tucking in during a snowstorm and watching movies on the couch, snuggling down under a big blanket.

Then I think that's all probably a little unrealistic, and i don't want to wait for someone else to make my life fulfilled and complete, so I go and do all that by myself. And I enjoy it.

Labels: Schmaltz

Labels: Statements

Last night we treked up to Boulder for dinner at Brasserie Ten Ten. The atmosphere was nice, unfortunately my meal was pretty terrible. I ordered an outrageously overcooked sea bass. I was going to just eat it anyway, so I asked for a side of sauce that didn't come until 20 minutes later.

We could see it sitting in the window, but could not flag anyone down to bring it to us. When the server finally brought it to us everyone else was finished eating and my dry fish was also cold. I decided to send it back and just cancel my order.

I did taste Jill's lamb chops and Susie's Chicken and both were outstanding. This is definitely a restaurant I'd like to try again, but hopefully with a more attentive server.

I was having such a great time that I forgot to take any pictures! I only have this one from before Suzie and Ivory even arrived. Jill and I both look like we need naps.

I was finally able to get my dress off last night, avoiding a potential extreme walk of shame situation this morning at work.

Labels: Jill, Restaurants

I was able to change into this thing in the car, but I've been screwing around with it for a half an hour. The zipper slid down about 4 inches, and now it's not budging. I may have to sleep in it and wear it to work tomorrow.

Not advisable. I once considered it Vegas appropriate, that automatically makes it work inappropriate. Remember that where I work steel-toed boots and a hard hat are de rigeur.

I'll let you know how it turns out.

Labels: Stupid

Labels: Jill

This first one was taken a week or two ago, I met Dan for a beer after work, and I think it's funny, because that's how dirty I look at work.

The second one I was inspired to dig out of a box after dressing up for Halloween a few weeks ago. See, we weren't always as hot as we are now. But we sure were cute.

Finally this last is for Jill, welcome home, can't wait for Thursday night!

Labels: Jill

Labels: Check it

Labels: Check it

I have felt nothing but guilt about those potatoes from yesterday, so tonight I had a piece of meatloaf and a huge serving of spinach for dinner.

The potatoes I portioned out and froze. I figure next time I'm hungover and I'm just going to eat junk food all day I can bust out these potatoes. They'll hit the spot (I'm all about what hits the spot when I'm hungover), and I won't feel guilty, because I'd be eating a billion calories anyway.

As for the Blondie's, I think I'll cut them up and bring them to work tomorrow, that way they'll be out of my house and I won't eat them all.

Labels: Food

I have removed some links to blogs that don't update anymore, and a few that I stopped reading. I have also added two more links to friends blogs. They are both mommy blogs, so it may not be your cup of tea, but they have two of the cutest babies I have ever seen. And right now there are pictures of them in Halloween costumes. Cute overload.

Saba Blog
Ella's Blog

Labels: Check it

Holy cow Potatoes Au Gratin are good. So good in fact that I have vowed never to make them again, lest I weigh 200 pounds by next summer.

But I would not begrudge you some Potatoes Au Gratin:
INGREDIENTS
* 4 russet potatoes, sliced into 1/4 inch slices
* 1 onion, sliced into rings
* salt and pepper to taste
* 3 tablespoons butter
* 3 tablespoons all-purpose flour
* 1/2 teaspoon salt
* 2 cups milk
* 1 1/2 cups shredded Cheddar cheese

DIRECTIONS

1. Preheat oven to 400 degrees F (200 degrees C). Butter a 1 quart casserole dish.
2. Layer 1/2 of the potatoes into bottom of the prepared casserole dish. Top with the onion slices, and add the remaining potatoes. Season with salt and pepper to taste.
3. In a medium-size saucepan, melt butter over medium heat. Mix in the flour and salt, and stir constantly with a whisk for one minute. Stir in milk. Cook until mixture has thickened. Stir in cheese all at once, and continue stirring until melted, about 30 to 60 seconds. Pour cheese over the potatoes, and cover the dish with aluminum foil.
4. Bake 1 1/2 hours in the preheated oven.

Really you should cook this as long as necessary for the potatoes to be cooked all the way through. Mine took 2 hours, and I took off the lid for the last 1/2 hour. These potatoes are amazing. Make them soon, just don't make them often!

Oh, some awesome spinach. A little bit of half and half (thickened with a roux), sauteed shallots, a dash of nutmeg and a drizzle of truffle oil, bake until bubbly, best spinach ever. This I will also not be preparing often, too much fat in half and half. I usually prepare spinach with sauteed garlic and a dash of red wine vinegar. Just as good but without the added fat and calories.

Meatloaf. In my family we have this running joke about how bad my mom's meatloaf is. When I was growing up she made one terrible meatloaf after another (then threw them out and ordered a pizza) until she just stopped trying because my dad and i refused to try anymore.

It turns out that this inability to make a good meatloaf runs in the family. I can't make a good meatloaf to save my life, and I can cook anything, usually very well. So in the past few years we've been joking about our failed meatloaf attempts, and trying out some new recipes.

My mom made this meatloaf that she really liked, forwarded me the recipe and I tried it out. I think it's Paula Dean's Recipe, so thanks Paula!

1 pound ground beef
1 1/4 teaspoons salt
1/4 teaspoon ground black pepper
1/2 cup chopped onion
1/2 cup chopped bell pepper
1 egg, lightly beaten
8 ounces canned diced tomatoes with juice
1/2 cup quick-cooking oats

Topping:
1/3 cup ketchup
2 tablespoons brown sugar
1 tablespoon prepared mustard

Preheat oven to 375 degrees F.

Mix all meatloaf ingredients well and place in a baking dish. Shape into a loaf.

Topping:
Mix ingredients for topping and spread on loaf. Bake for 1 hour.

Pretty good, basic recipe. We topped with bacon for a little more flavor, but for me something was still missing. I'm not sure what, a little tweaking and time will tell. I'll definitely use this as my base recipe from now on.

Finally, dessert. I never make dessert. I don't bake, I don't have much of a sweet tooth (I prefer salty or cheesy), but I read this recipe in an old issue of Food and Wine (it's kind of like my porn) and I haven't been able to get it out of my mind.

I finally gave in and made a batch. I wish I hadn't, they are absolutely heaven, and it made a really, really big batch so now I'll probably eat the whole thing and get really fat. It might actually be worth it.
Ingredients

* 1 stick unsalted butter, softened
* 2 1/2 cups light brown sugar (1 pound)
* 3 large eggs, separated
* 1 teaspoon pure vanilla extract
* 2 cups all-purpose flour
* 1 teaspoon baking soda
* 1 teaspoon baking powder
* 1/2 teaspoon salt
* 1 cup semisweet chocolate chips (6 ounces)
* 1 cup salted toasted pecans (4 ounces), coarsely chopped

directions

1. Preheat the oven to 350°. Butter a 10 1/2-by-15 1/2-inch jelly roll pan. In a large bowl, using an electric mixer, beat the butter with 1 cup of the brown sugar at medium-low speed until light and fluffy, 2 to 3 minutes. Add the egg yolks and vanilla and beat until combined. In a medium bowl, whisk the flour with the baking soda, baking powder and salt. Beat the dry ingredients into the wet ingredients just until moist crumbs form. Add the chocolate chips and pecans and stir with a wooden spoon until evenly distributed.
2. Scrape the mixture into the prepared pan and press to form an even layer. In a clean bowl, beat the egg whites at medium speed until soft peaks form. Increase the speed to medium high and beat in the remaining 1 1/2 cups of brown sugar, a small handful at a time, until the meringue is soft and glossy, about 7 minutes. Spread the meringue all over the dough and bake for about 25 minutes, until the meringue top is golden and crisp. Let cool completely before cutting into squares.

Would anyone like to come over for dinner this week? I have plenty, and it's all really good, come on over, I'll heat you up a plate...

Labels: Food, Recipe

Labels: Video

Thanks to everyone for your good wishes with the school thing. I think it will all work out just fine, although it'll shake out to be more work than I expected.

As far as things with The Boy are concerned, I think I may just have to go back to the original plan, no romantic involvements until after law school. I clearly just don't have good enough judgment to make good decisions about the men I date.

He is a really awesome guy who just isn't as into I should really know better by now.

I have a horrible track record with men, I just pick really bad ones. I thought I was doing better this time, there isn't anything inherently wrong with this one, he's just not on the same page as me. I figure that's still a step in the right direction. Maybe in a few years, I'll be all the way there.

Labels: Schmaltz

There was a discovery day at Mines today too, I missed it obvs, but I guess it's just that time of year. I really need to decide on a few more schools to go see, and soon. It never occurred to me that DU would be so unrealistically out of my price range. I mean, wow.

It looks like some way, some how there is a light at the end of the grad school tunnel. Absolute worst case scenario I take out a big old loan (well, not so big, now that I have a little perspective, $150k it's not) and get my ME instead of my MS, which would be fine with me. We'll see what happens, but I'm not freaking out about it anymore. It'll work out, one way or another.

I am spending the weekend at my parents house. My mom came to DU with me today, and now my dad is making ribs and we're watching football. Did you guy's see the Kansas-Nebraska game? Brutal. I'll be heading home early tomorrow so I can be home in time for the Bronco game. I visit my folks a lot, it's true. I enjoy living close enough to do that, but I can't really get a good night's sleep here, so I'm already looking forward to getting home.

Sorry I'm not more interesting this weekend, but hanging with the folks kind of negates any opportunity of meeting cute boys. Or smooching cute boys. Or giving cute boys your phone number and not remembering it even after they call you and start chatting about how great it was to meet you, blah blah blah.

Maybe next week something interesting will happen. Don't hold your breath though, I'm not.

Labels: Update

$150k!

I know that's normal, and I guess I was expecting it, but oh my god

$150k!

For three years. I was expecting it, and I still got a little sick to my stomach.

Labels: Rants

Things were a little different in my bed. There was a situation. We can call this situation Murphy. I have some weird sleeping habits I guess, Murphy sleeps on one side of the bed, Kitty kind of sleeps on me, I sleep down at the bottom of the bed because I like my feet to hang off the edge, and I sleep with my head sandwiched between two pillows.

Add another person to this mix, and things get a little uncomfortable. Not for the other person, not for Murphy, and not for Kitty, but for me. I don't feel right about sleeping so far down on the bed when someone else is around, and I almost never get my right pillows. Murphy refuses to concede his place on the bed, and every time I fall asleep jumps right back up from the floor and makes himself comfortable right on top of me, shoving me out of the way.

I was up all night, The Boy slept like a baby. Finally about three in the morning I gave in, slithered down to the foot of the bed, got my pillows situated, and found a way to get comfortable with Murphy. Awkward, but I finally drifted off to dreamland, all the while eye-level with The Boy's ass (he's like six feet tall).

About six in the morning things got back to that good fit place. Without getting into too much detail (none of your business) The Boy woke up, scooted ( all six feet off him) down to the foot of the bed and snuggled down with me. Lovely.

Labels: Dudes

He had to be in Denver early today, and said he'd be at my place by 9 if he left work at 6 and would I just wait up and not go to bed too early. I said sure, but I definitely wasn't expecting him to actually show up. I didn't even clean my apartment. Imagine my surprise when he calls at 4:30 from Vail and says he'll be at my place at 6. My pleasant surprise.

We did dinner in Golden, then headed back to my place, and actually hit the sack pretty early. Not the most exciting night, and I felt like I may have not been the best company because I'm a little distracted with my professional situation right now, but the thing about him is, and it's always been like this, he is so very easy to be with.

It's a bit of a bummer that he lives so far away that I can't really ever hang out with him. And it's more of a bummer that I can never figure out what he's about. But when he is in the same room, it's really easy to forget that stuff, and just be. And laugh, like, all the time. I mean all the time.

Labels: Dudes

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