I'm not sure exactly when my interview will be, sometime in late March at their facility in Burns Harbor, Indiana.

I'm really trying not to get too excited about this. Maybe I won't get the job, I don't know.

I do know that I'm ready for a change. A big one. Last night I was talking to my dad, and I realized I'm finally ready to leave home (not that I still live with my parents, I don't). I've always been a late bloomer, and I thought I just didn't want to leave Colorado, now I know I just wasn't ready.

Not ready to move away from my family and friends. Frankly I didn't have too much motivation, Colorado is an amazing place to live. Not ready to grow up and actually get a job. Definitely not ready to settle down and start a life and a family.

OK, I'm still not ready for a lot of that, but I am ready to strike out and do my own thing somewhere new. I'm nervous about a lot of things. I'm nervous about making new friends, I've really never had to. I met Jill when we were seven years old, and she's been my best buddy for more than twenty years now. I was sad about her moving to Texas, but I think it was good. I mean, good that she left because I don't know if I'd have been able to leave her.

I'm nervous about getting my bearings in a new city, I've lived in Denver my entire life. Talk about sheltered. Denver is safe and quiet and clean. What would I do on the weekends if I couldn't go live at Suzie's house. And how does one go about making new friends anyway? I'm not exactly the most... I'm a little abrasive. People who already know me like me a lot, but strangers, not so much. I'm just not that great at meeting new people.

OK, despite all these things I'm still excited to do something... different. Jeez, that's a lot of angst for a Friday morning.

Labels: Update

Labels: Food

You might recognize the former Mr. Angelina Jolie a.k.a Crash Override a.k.a Zero Cool. Jonny Lee Miller is the stuff that my 15 year old fantasies were made of. Hackers was like, the coolest movie I'd ever seen. You know what I'm talking about.

Labels: T.V.

So with a heavy sigh I stowed the lovely green stuff in the medicine cabinet and reached for the dreaded orange. NyQuil's much derided cousin, DayQuil.

Whereas Nyquil allows one to drift off into a dreamy haze before lapsing into a pleasant sleep, DayQuil jacks you up so you can get through your day. I seriously feel like I'm on drugs. I need people to repeat just about every thing they say, experiments are taking twice as long as usual, and forget about actually learning anything in class. I am cracked out.

Labels: Update

Labels: Update

Labels: Update

I. Look. Rough.

That is what happens when you chance plans mid stream. We'd decided to stay in, we drank champagne and sang along with George Michael. Four or five bottles later we decided to walk up to the PS Lounge and then on to Rock Bar. I guess I found that big foam hat on the ground. And then decided to wear it. On my head. Rough.

We probably should have stayed in. We weren't really in any kind of shape to be around other people. These definitely usurp the title of worst pictures ever from the pics from the shower.

Labels: Jill, Suzie

I'm sick, I knew it was coming on last night, I'd hoped that a good night's sleep would K.O. it, but no such luck. I came home from work early today to load up on NyQuil and try to sleep. I drew the blinds, snuggled down on the couch under my huge sleeping bag and threw on a movie.

If you haven't seen it, The Last King of Scotland is a great flick. Maybe not the best thing to watch when you're high on the green stuff and trying to sleep. Kind of gory and riveting.

After the movie I ate some soup and dug into the huge pile of homework I have been woefully neglecting. I figured if I can't get some actual work done, I could at least make a dent in my homework. Once I got started, I remembered just why I've been in school this long. I love homework. I know, once a dork, always a dork, but I find it so satisfying, especially now after so many courses, a lot of these types of questions aren't new, so I end up feeling like a brilliant genius.

I've had just about enough for tonight though, it's about time to hit the bottle again. I wonder if Dune is on On Demand right now? I'm in the mood for the spice.

Labels: Movies, Update

Last night, struck with a terrible bout of insomnia, I was watching some late night TV. I don't even remember what I was watching, but I do remember the commercial for today's Oprah show. Now I know that I won't catch it, because I work and all, but those editors are good. My curiosity is peaked.

The topic is something called Freegans. Have you heard of this?

Some highlights from Freeegan.info, the Freegan website:

"Freegans are people who employ alternative strategies for living based on limited participation in the conventional economy and minimal consumption of resources."

That sounds good right? Let's read more:

"Freeganism is a total boycott of an economic system where the profit motive has eclipsed ethical considerations and where massively complex systems of productions ensure that all the products we buy will have detrimental impacts most of which we may never even consider. Thus, instead of avoiding the purchase of products from one bad company only to support another, we avoid buying anything to the greatest degree we are able."

How?

"Perhaps the most notorious freegan strategy is what is commonly called "urban foraging" or "dumpster diving". This technique involves rummaging through the garbage of retailers, residences, offices, and other facilities for useful goods."

"Anything unusable by us, we redistribute to our friends, at freemarkets, or using internet services like freecycle and craigslist."

"...freegans choose not to use cars for the most part. Rather, we use other methods of transportation including trainhopping, hitchhiking, walking, skating, and biking. Hitchhiking fills up room in a car that would have been unused otherwise and therefore it does not add to the overall consumption of cars and gasoline."

"Squatters are people who occupy and rehabilitate abandoned, decrepit buildings. Squatters believe that real human needs are more important than abstract notions of private property, and that those who hold deed to buildings but won't allow people to live in them, even in places where housing is vitally needed, don't deserve to own those buildings."

"Wild foragers demonstrate that we can feed ourselves without supermarkets and treat our illnesses without pharmacies by familiarizing ourselves with the edible and medicinal plants growing all around us. Even city parks can yield useful foods and medicines, giving us a renewed appreciation of the reality that our sustenance comes ultimately not from corporate food producers, but from the Earth itself. Others take the foraging lifestyle even farther, removing themselves from urban and suburban concepts and attempting to "go feral" by building communities in the wilderness based on primitive survival skills."

"...freegans are able to greatly reduce or altogether eliminate the need to constantly be employed. We can instead devote our time to caring for our families, volunteering in our communities, and joining activist groups to fight the practices of the corporations who would otherwise be bossing us around at work."

Is it just me or do these people sound, at best a little nuts, but at worst petulant and lazy? I may be a little materialistic, and a lot poor, but I 'm not quitting my job to forage for food in city dumpsters no matter how you spin it.

Labels: Stupid, T.V.

I was dating this old guy I worked with. Please don't ask what I was thinking. He wasn't particularly funny, fun, successful, interesting, charming, good looking, nice, etc. etc. etc.

I have no excuse or even a way to rationalize this one. I don't even remember what I found attractive about him. Maybe I was under a spell. Anyway.

One truly beautiful Golden afternoon we were having beers at GCB on the patio. The place gets pretty crowded so I went to grab us seats at a big picnic table while Ugly Old guy went inside to get us some beers.

Ugly Old guy comes out with our beers and says "I hope you don't mind, but I met a funny guy while I was waiting in line and invited him and his friends to share our huge table."

I thought, not a problem, I love chatting with strangers in Golden. It's a very Golden thing to do.

2 minutes later funny guy from line comes out with his pitchers of beer... and it turns out to be my one ex (the most recent) who had terribly broken my heart. He'd recently knocked up his ex-girlfriend and subsequently married her. Fifteen minutes later all of our old friends from college showed up.

Each one made the exact same "Oh!" face when they found us sitting together, but at that point it would have been more awkward to make a big deal out of it and for them to try and find seats elsewhere (there were none anyway).

So to recap:
Him: recently wed, expecting a baby
Me: drinking beer in the afternoon with my Ugly Old (but temporary) new boyfriend

He wins.

Labels: Dudes, Stupid, What Was I Thinking?

Saturday Ivory had her baby shower.

I must say that for someone stuck on bed rest she looked amazing! Pregnant ladies really do get glowing. I had never met any of Ivory's family or her other friends (who didn't go to Mines), so that was really fun. I have to say that baby shower games are not for me (Ivory posted what might be the worst pictures of me ever on her blog) but finger foods and opening presents and meeting new people is always good.

Saturday night Jill and I met my parents at La Cueva (Yum!) for dinner and cocktails. I think my dad was already drunk when we got there. He used the word "dildo" at the dinner table. I'm not even kidding. I could have gone my entire life without my dad referencing any kind of sex toys, especially because he was talking about my sex toys. Gives me the creeping willies.

Labels: Update

2) I was really excited about this job in Chicago, but I don't think I got it. Now I'll probably have to move to Elko, NV or somewhere equally unappealing. Bleech. I don't know what they are thinking not hiring me, I am quite charming. I'm trying to act like I don't care, but it was a really cool job.

3) My entire research group is leaving for a week to attend a conference in Salt Lake City. I'm not going. The excuses I made include: I have too much work to do and I don't want to miss my classes. The real reasons I'm not going are: I don't want to network with a bunch of old miners, I don't want to miss restaurant week, and I just plain don't want to go.

4) I can't stop flossing my teeth. I am totally addicted. First thing in the morning, before I go to bed. It's all I can do not to bust out some floss in the middle of the day. Can you over floss? Could this habit be harmful?

5) Ivory's baby shower is this weekend, and though usually baby showers are my own personal idea of hell, I'm really looking forward to it. Or I am, at the very least, trying to trick myself into believing that. What I'm really dreading is the trip to Babies 'R Us that I still have to make. Do you think I can walk into a place like that and not spontaneously catch on fire? I'll let you know.

6)I got all bundled up the other night, took Murph out for a nice long walk to see the eclipse, instead all I saw were clouds.

7) I love tacos.

8) I hate MySpace. I hate the friend status updates with the smiley faces, I hate the friend bulletin updates and those cheesy god damned surveys. I really hate reading "friend" updates about people I'm not actually friends with. I'd delete them from my friends list if it weren't so passive aggressive. What I hate the most is that I care enough to have written a whole paragraph about what I hate about MySpace, but I don't delete my account. Nuts.

9) Instead of watching the debates last night I watched My Cousin Vinny. I know, for shame, but I get so tired of listening to them say nothing over and over. It's not like my vote counts anyway. Superdelegates. What a crock of shit. Or to quote Mona Lisa Vito: "Oh my God, what a fucking nightmare!"

Labels: Update

At Starbucks, not my favorite coffee place.

I grabbed a cup and waited for Saint Jill to drive to Golden to pick my hungover ass up to go get my car (back in Denver). THANKS JILL! It is good to have good friends.

I brunched with Sameera (grilled cheese sandwich!) then headed home to veg out on the couch for a few hours before...

I had another not-date with The Hippie on Saturday night. But this one felt more like a date. The occasion was another concert, this time a duo, a guitarist and a flautist. We had plans to go climbing too, but it wasn't to be.

Something was different this time, I think it was the result of our first fight. He was supposed to pick me up at five. He called at six to tell me he was downstairs. I was beyond pissed at this point and I told him as much. Being an hour late and not calling is unacceptable. He said we'd planned on 5:30, that he was only a half hour late. My response? So? A half hour late and no phone call is still unacceptable.

I consider myself pretty low-maintenance (I know all women say this, but I was once dumped for being "too low-maintenance" so in my case it might be true) but consideration is one thing that I can't compromise on. If you must be late, call. And what's more, if you say you'll call tomorrow, call tomorrow, not in three days. My time is valuable too.

Anyway, I'm not big on beating around the bush. The passive-aggressive thing gets out of hand really fast. If something is bothering me I'd like to address it and move on or not. No cold shoulder, no silent treatment. So I told him I was pissed and why. He told me to forget the whole thing and that he'd go alone. I said goodnight, hung up the phone and changed into my sweatpants; a couple of movies from Netflix were calling my name.

Five minutes later he called back. He apologized. I accepted his apology, changed back into my date attire and headed downstairs. Hey, I don't like to hold a grudge.

We went to dinner at a tiny Thai place nearby. We shared thom ga kai (yum!). I ordered my sriracha beef too spicy, but I ate it anyway. By the end of dinner we were laughing. We made it to the concert just in time. He slid his arm around my shoulders in the second act.

When the show was over we walked around the corner to The Hornet. We ordered a couple a beers and started talking about our little fight earlier. He said at first he just thought I was being a bitch, that I was still mad, but our night had been great so far, and he just wasn't used to women who were so straight forward and honest with their feelings.

I just said it makes things easier.

What I learned from The Boy is that if you are honest, above all else, you'll have no regrets. I told The Hippie as much.

And then something happened.

We stopped being so polite to each other and started talking. Really talking. It was really fun, he even cracked a couple of jokes. OK, OK, he's still not funny, but at least he tried.

When he dropped me off he asked if I wanted to come over an see his new place (wink! wink!). I didn't want to, so I said no. The he snuck in for a goodnight kiss that was surprisingly good.

I don't see things with The Hippie going anywhere; there are a lot of reasons why I think we'd be a terrible couple, the kind of signs even I can't ignore. But it's great having a friend like him. And the fun dates are like a great bonus.

A friend with a different kind of benefits.

Labels: Dudes, Raves

So Friday night I met Jill and Sameera out in Denver. We were going to have a nice, quiet cocktail some good conversation and catch up with some quality time. Oh, the best laid plans. We had a great night out, many cocktails, dancing, flirting with all the cute boys we met.

I meet a cute guy, we dance, we flirt and then, nearing the end of the end of the evening, around bar time, I make a game time decision. I decide to take the plunge and say goodnight to the ladies and head home with Mr. Wonderful.

Well the rest of the night might as well serve as a public service announcement as to why one night stands are a terrible idea.

First of all I should remind you about my number one rule when dating, no bartenders, musicians or athletes. Maybe that sounds a little judgmental, but I've made the mistake often enough (most recently with The Bartender) to know better.

Or at least I should know better. Turns out Mr. Wonderful is an unemployed struggling musician who just got fired from his bar tending job (of 2 years!) at a douchey Denver night club. You'd think that would be enough for me to rethink this little venture, but no, I'm a real glutton for punishment tonight.

We get to Mr. Wonderful's house which is, incidentally, a short walk from my favorite coffee shop in Golden. Making small talk I notice a few pictures of him holding a teeny-tiny baby, I remark on the baby's cuteness, to which he replies that it is his baby, and he's a month old. He then tells me that his "Baby-momma" lives in Wisconsin which is too bad because babies are great for picking up chicks.

I'm rendered speechless at this point, when he pulls out the futon in the living room. I'm a little taken aback by this, so I ask what he's doing.

And here it comes. He sleeps in the living room here because he just moved in with his dad and he doesn't have a bedroom. WTF?! Who brings a girl home to the couch in their dad's house? I can't even tell you how disturbing this was. The look on my face no doubt betrayed my horror because he says "No worries, my dad's cool." At this he gestures to his gigantic bong sitting on the coffee table.

All this was just too much for me, and needless to say, despite my intentions to the contrary I am still celibate. I am such a disaster with men that I can't even successfully have a one night stand. If I'd have thought of it I would have walked to my office and crashed there, but all those cocktails had (obviously) impaired my judgment so I slept there on the couch.

In the morning Mr. Wonderful is telling me a *hilarious* story about how he was planning on going over to his ex-girlfriend's place but then he met me and I'm "way hotter than her" so he changed his game plan. I'm thinking this whole scenario can't get any worse. And then it did.

All I could think of was getting a cup of coffee. I ask Mr. Wonderful to give me a lift home. This is when he tells me that he can't because he and his dad share a car (the minivan from the night before) and his dad took it to work early this morning. He'd be home at 11 at which time Mr. Wonderful could drive me home. I don't really like this plan. For one thing, Mr. Wonderful's dad has already seen me asleep on the couch, sorry, the futon, when he left for work. I don't want to have to make awkward polite chit-chat with the dad when he gets home from work. Also I'd really like to leave before 11. I'd like to leave right now.

While I'm rethinking my exit strategy, I ask what his dad does to work such odd hours. Would you like to know what Mr. Wonderful's dad does? Mr. Wonderful's dad is my favorite coffee shop guy. Serves me right.

Thankfully he's not working this morning.

Labels: Statements, What Was I Thinking?

A nice hot shower, a tall cocktail and I'm ready to go. When I'm in the mood for it, an evening of cleaning my apartment top to bottom can be just the ticket.

Especially climbing into crisp clean sheets when it's time for bed.

Jill stopped by earlier with a surprise. A carnitas burrito for us to share from Senor Burrito. I do love surprises.

Two vignettes from our visit:

Jill: Gah, you are way prettier than me
Me: Shut up dude, you're the prettiest person I've ever met in real life.
Jill: You're like my mom, you have to say that.
Me: Whatever, didn't I tell you earlier tonight to get your fat ass off the couch?
Jill: Yeah, like I said, you're like my mom.

Jill: Do you think a lot of girls from high school are moms now?
Me: Yeah, well, a lot of girls from college are.
Jill: ...
Me: There's no rush, we have, like, ten years before we have to worry about it.
Jill: Ten years!
Me: Yeah, 35ish would be good.
Jill: Um, we're not 25 anymore.
Me: Oh, well that's how I like to think of myself.

Labels: Jill, Update

But the circumstances and the amazing weather conspired against me. And instead of laundry and vacuuming I opted for a nice walk with these two lovelies.

Our walk took us down to Cherry Creek for sushi at Sushi Tazu. The weather was so nice in fact, that we opted to dine on the patio in the sunshine.

I was clearly channeling 1993.

A little tempura....

A crazy roll with eel, avocado, tomato, yellow pepper and mozzarella cheese (!!!!)...

And a soft shell crab roll later we strolled back to Suzie's house.

Overall I feel that one less thing crossed off my to-do list today is a worthy price to pay for such a lovely afternoon spent with friends.

Labels: Food, Jill, Restaurants, Suzie

Jill was coat dancing and mugging for the camera.

And helping me out with my beer when my head was turned.

Not that she needed help with hers...

I was, as always, an insufferable ham.

Sameera can't help but steal the spotlight.

A new bar, a new dance floor, a new photo shoot.

Pretty much a new version of the same picture we take every other weekend.

Get a couple cocktails in me and I think I'm so gosh darn cute.

Seriously? Cheesetastic.

If I had any shame at all I might be a little embarrassed, instead I think "Ooh, shiny hair!"

If you're interested you can see the rest of the photos here.

Labels: Jill, Sameera

Labels: Jill

Photo via Post Secret

This one made me think about one of those secrets that I keep hidden. I think this secret's time has come.

Our big breakup was years ago, I got over it years ago too. I even thank my lucky stars that things didn't work out between us. But I always secretly hoped he regretted it.

Today I'm going to stop doing that. I've held on to this residual grudge long enough. From now on I am going to hope that his life is everything he ever dreamed it would be and that he is wildly happy with his choices. I'm going to stop feeling guilty that we didn't work just a little harder on the relationship. I am going to accept once and for all how fortunate we both are that we didn't stay together. And I am going to truly start believing that one day I'll fall in love again. Maybe.

Labels: Statements

I do eat up the drama, but this is about the clothes. OK, it's mostly about the clothes.
Click here to see a slide show of the designs. (via Bravotv.com)

This weeks challenge was a little crazy, here is how I would have ranked the designs this week:

Design by Jillian, modeled by Michelle.

The problem now is that they all have fallen into their niches. Jillian with her coats.

Design by Christian, modeled by Lisa.

Christian with his puffy sleeves.

Design by Chris, modeled by Marcia.

Chris and his drama queen garments.

Design by Rami, modeled by Sam.

Rami and his damn draping.

Design by Sweat P, modeled by Lea.

But poor Sweet P, this was the challenge to pull out all the stops, and this just didn't bring it.

Labels: Project Runway

Labels: Suzie

I have caught myself giving a 20 year old the once over on more than one occasion lately. They're just so young and hot and eager to please. I know, shameful.

Things reached a fever pitch a week ago when my mom was visiting me on campus and we took a walk through the school's new recreation center. We stopped to watch a few minutes of a swim meet when my mom said "Ooh, look at their hot young bodies. You should bring your books here to study and sit back and enjoy the view."

Don't think it hasn't crossed my mind.

Labels: Dudes

Interviewing has always been my thing, I'm excellent on first dates too. I think it has something to do with the unabashed self-promotion involved in both the situations. My two interviews this morning felt good. I may not be what they are looking for, or they may not be what I'm looking for, at this point only time will tell, but they felt good.

One thing became glaringly clear to me this morning. I have never been as comfortable in my own skin as I am now. For the first time I am proud of my education, I feel smart, I know what it is that I want and what I'm looking for. I feel articulate, assertive and engaging.

The glaring difference in the interviews I am having now and the ones I had right after undergrad is that now I have some serious options. I don't feel desperate for someone to hire me; I'm looking for the right fit.

I guess over the last few years I really have started to believe that with some hard work, everything happens the way it should. I guess for the first time in my life I am starting to have some faith in... something. Maybe it's faith in me, which would be a huge step in the right direction.

Labels: Statements, Update

So, I got all geeked up in my super cute business-attire (that I never get to wear) and hit the streets armed with a stack of resumes and a great big smile. I talked to a lot of companies and handed out a lot of resumes. I'll follow up later this week, tomorrow I have three interviews.

But right before my three interviews I have a dentist appointment. That's right, this girl knows how to put her best foot forward. I know you're probably thinking I should reschedule. I tried, but I can't get in for another three months and I have a cavity I can feel whenever I drink anything hot.

Soooo.... I'll just have to make it work. Worst case scenario, at least I'll be memorable.

Labels: Update

At the end of a long day, all I want to do is get home, cook up some supper, and sit down on the couch. I don't want to compromise on dinner or share the remote. I don't feel like talking to anyone. I want to read my book or write a little. Maybe I want to knit or drink wine in a bubble bath. I might watch a Keeping Up With the Kardashians marathon and pick my nose for a while. Make a big bowl of popcorn for dinner and lay in bed watching DVD's on my laptop. I'm not ready to give up this strange behavior, and I expect I'd have to were I to marry.

This is one reason that I'm not just happy, but some days I'm down right relieved I'm single. At a party on Saturday night with maybe 12 couples I found myself a little overwhelmed. Not because I felt lonely but because it occurred to me just how big a commitment marriage is. I find some solace in the absolute truth that I haven't met the right person yet. I know this absolutely because I've not met someone for whom I'd be willing to make these compromises and change my ways.

I'm certain I will get married, everyone does, but the idea of spending the rest of my life with any of the men I've dated in the past is laughable. To the point where I'm starting to wonder if my terrible dating choices aren't so much just bad decisions but some kind of sub-conscious commitment phobia. The idea of spending the next 60 years with one person actually makes my flight or flight response kick in a little.

I guess I'm just not sure I'm looking to settle down just yet.

Labels: Statements

Suzie missed the Jilly too.

After the party Jill and I headed out to the Rock Bar. It was so disappointing! I think word of our favorite bar got out. It was overrun with hipsters!

After waiting twenty minutes for the bartender to acknowledge us, some snippy blond girl tried to dress Jill down for "cutting in line." We tried to smooth things over but she kept yelling even though we began to ignore her. Crazy.

We got our beers and danced for a while with some very young boys, but left a little earlier than bar time. Not the most fun I've had there. Leave it to the hipsters to ruin my favorite bar.

Today we had a great lazy Sunday. Brunch at Steuben's followed by movies and chocolate cake. Not so good for the diet, but definitely good for the soul. I would say that my favorite thing about going out drinking isn't the fun times at the bar, but spending these Sundays on the couch with Jill and Suzie and Mike. It is the tops.

Labels: Jill, Suzie, Tanya

I said I disagreed, I think Jessica Alba is too skinny, if I were to make out with a girl, it wouldn't be Alba.

Talk then turned to the cheesitude of the movie, how delicious dinner was, plans for the weekend, etc.

Then our attention turned to chocolate cake.

Fifteen minutes later Jamie looked up at me and blurted out "Well who would be your fantasy girl?"

Ivory and I cracked up because seriously? Isn't that just like a guy.

Labels: Dudes, Stupid

This week I have been working in another lab, our analytical lab with my assistant, doing some research. Happy for the company I left my i-pod in my bag and we talked and listened to the radio. When the radio station played the same Cake song for the third time in five hours, I made a comment about how sorry it is that they play only a few songs on the radio, though they have a worlds worth of songs available to them.

I looked to him for a response and caught his mouth twist into a smirk before he said "you don't mind when it's Madonna."

I only had to think about it for a minute before I flashed back to a day last week...

First things first, I love Madonna. Passionately, and with out fail. But I especially love Madonna circa 1989.

On this particular day I was doing a particularly banal and repetitive task to prepare an ore sample for an experiment. I hadn't seen anyone all day and wasn't feeling particularly self-conscious. My favorite Madonna song came on (Cherish, who'd have thought) and I put it on repeat. I probably listened to this song five or six times before I was ready to move on the the next song, the whole time singing and bopping around.

I thought I heard something once or twice, but I didn't see anyone. There is lots of very large equipment in the lab, and turns out I was wrong. Busted again!

What makes the whole scenario worse... think of a girl with the worlds worst singing voice (my voice is a little obnoxious to begin with) dancing around covered in mud singing Madonna songs, and then imaging hearing only the screechy, off tune singing with no musical accompaniment. Because of the earphones.

I'd smirk too.

Labels: Stupid, Video

The good thing about setting goals is that if you don't meet them, you can try again next week. So that is what I'm going to do.

Paltry exercise notwithstanding I've been eating healthier for about a month and not drinking and it has made a huge difference. I actually liberated my skinny jeans from storage and have been wearing them again. I haven't been able to wear them for about a year. They are awesome.

There is, as always, a reverse side to this coin, my waist line may have shrunk, but it was totally at the expense of almost all the T&A I had to speak of. Not much to begin with, now down right tiny. Eh, I can live with it.

Labels: Update

I do eat up the drama, but this is about the clothes. OK, it's mostly about the clothes.
Click here to see a slide show of the designs. (via Bravotv.com)

This weeks challenge was a little crazy, here is how I would have ranked the designs this week:

Design by Chris, modeled by Maria.
Um, hello Diva!

What a cool costume. I know this thing is right up his alley (according to the judges) but still, he really took it a step further. This costume is creative, original, detailed and really finished. It really is a level above what anybody else did this week.

Design by Jillian, modeled by Michelle
Jillian nailed it and gave her client exactly what she asked for.

Design by Christian, modeled by Kristal.
Oh Christian. The judges fawned over this but it looks just like everything he's made all season, just in spandex.

Design by Sweet Pea, modeled by Candice Michelle.
As good as the first three were, the last three are terrible. Sweet P could have really done something here, but she let her horror at the challenge itself really get in the way of creating an amazing costume. Her client really gave her carte blanche to go nuts.

Design by Rami, modeled by Torrie.
This is my least favorite garment of the challenge. It looks like Legally Blonde 3: Diva Elle. So ugly I don't have much else to say.

Design by Ricky, modeled by Layla.
This is a beautiful swimsuit. Which wasn't the challenge. With Ricky's lingerie background this challenge should have been a lot better, but it was definitely time for him to go.

Labels: Project Runway

Ooh, I liked this one.

I like twisty movies, even ones that are a bit predictable, when they are done well. This could have been a really cheesy movie, but I think the acting was good.

I once read an article in Penthouse magazine (it might have been Hustler actually, I was at The Boy's house and I don't remember what magazine they had, but that's not the point here) about how women don't always want sex to all be scattered rose petals and scented candles. Penthouse said to find out if your wife or girlfriend might like things a little rougher to ask her if she liked the scene on the stairs in A History of Violence and her response would tell you if you needed to shake things up a bit.

Well I'll say.

And that scene is a really good example of what I liked about this movie, it could have come off as kind of horrifying and offensive, but the actors were great and instead it was sort of both passionate and desperate.

And actually pretty hot, if you were wondering.

Labels: Movies, Netflix

I have to say, this completely fictitious award honoring what amounts to nothing more than my shameless vanity absolutely made my day. What can I say, I'm easy to please.

I have decided that this is just the kick in the pants I needed to fulfill Lisa's request and re-post this picture (from 2006) of me bedecked in all my wonder Woman glory.

Ha! I have Suzie to thank for immortalizing me in such a flattering way. I think 2007 was Wonder Woman's last hurrah. It may be because I don't have much of a life right now, it may be her impending return to the stage, but I think I've decided on 2008's costume already.

I see lots of tequila shots in my future.

Labels: Statements

I've had super vivid nightmares pretty regularly ever since I used the patch in 2004 to quit smoking. Nightmares suck less than a pack a day habit though, so no regrets.

So last night I was having a particularly vivid nightmare, and apparently my alarm clock worked its way in when it went off this morning and I turned it off.

It's a good thing my classes are in the afternoon.

Labels: Rants, T.V.

No, now I'm just more miffed and annoyed than anything else. There is just that residual feeling I can't quite shake, but talking about it, clearing the air and being honest with myself, admitting that I do have feelings after all, helps.

I'll say this one last thing.

It is the easiest thing in the world to act like nothing bothers me, like my feelings never get hurt and everything rolls right off my back. It is the hardest ting to admit that things do bother me, that I'm not impervious to all the normal things that bother normal people. I don't know why I'm like that. I don't know why I'm so guarded, but it takes me weeks to even admit to Jill when something has actually gotten under my skin. but sooner or later even I have to admit to someone that I'm not made of stone.

And now I think, maybe enough with the self pity.

I have nice weekend ahead of me, if I can just make it that long. I'm looking forward to seeing Ivory on Friday night, and Nicki is hosting a party on Saturday that I'm especially looking forward to. And there is one more thing happening, and I just can't wait, but I don't want to jinx it, so I'm just going to sit on it for a few more days before I tell you about it.

Labels: Schmaltz

I am so disappointed. My feelings are hurt that you disappeared without a word. We're not strangers, I'm not some skank you picked up at the bar. We were friends. We were friends first. I thought we were still friends. Now I'm not so sure. Maybe you were just trying to get in my pants the whole time. Well, job well done. Aren't I the one with egg on my face.

A first I felt really stupid (my least favorite way to feel), like I should have seen through you. I felt like should have known better. Then I reconsidered that feeling. I don't want to second guess everything people say. I don't want to be the kind of person who assumes the worst in others. I like taking people at face value.

I respected you enough to tell you the truth and clear the air. I didn't want things to be awkward between us. I believed in you enough to think you would be honest with me too. That you would have enough respect for me to talk to me, enough integrity to honor our friendship. We're both grown ups, after all.

I'm usually so guarded, but I was myself with you, and I trusted you with a small part of me that I usually keep to myself. I'd like to say that the only thing hurt is my pride, but I'm not sure that's true.

I'm sorry to say that I can't wait until I don't have the urge to call you up and tell you when something funny happens. But mostly I'm sorry for me, because now I trust everyone just a little bit less than I used to.

Next time I see you, I am the one who will feel embarrassed even though you are the one who behaved badly. That doesn't seem fair. I wish I was actually as tough as I seem, because then I wouldn't even think about this anymore. I surely wouldn't feel this badly about having done nothing wrong.

Sincerely,
Me

Labels: Rants, Schmaltz

I loved it, I went every summer for 2 weeks, three weeks, four weeks, the older you got, the longer you stayed. Those of you who went to summer camp know it's a totally unique and worthwhile experience. those of you who never did, I am so sorry you had to miss out on it. Hey, summer camp taught me about the Violent Femmes, and how different would life have been sans Femmes?

When I was younger I was such a dork (hey you have photographic proof!) that it translated to my being a dork even at summer camp. I've already told you about my very first kiss at summer camp.

The problem with being a dork is that people pick on you, and you don't even understand why. Trust me, dorks wouldn't be dorks if they got it. So one year, my second to last year at camp, there were these two girls that I really looked up to. They were these pretty, rich, popular Jewish girls from Connecticut. I thought these things (pretty, rich, Jewish, from Connecticut) were just about the height of glamour. I was all about glamour.

Camp was four weeks long, a week to get acclimated, a week to hike and climb and then two weeks to split into three groups and go on one of three trips: rafting, horsebackriding or backpacking.

I really wanted to go backpacking, but I knew these two girls thought backpacking was uncool and they were going rafting, so I signed up for rafting too. This is the day I learned the hard lesson about trying to be cool. My favorite counselor was leading the backpacking group and rafting was totally lame. I've actually always regretted that decision. It didn't change my life in any considerable way, but it is one of the only times I've ever made a decision to please someone else.

So we spent two weeks on the river. Not uncool by any one's standards. I wanted so badly to fit in. I never did, but I still had a good time. These two cool girls spent most of the trip teaching us songs, summer camp was all about sing-a-longs.

So we sang, and sang, and sang. The one son that really stuck with me was Charlie on the MTA, you know, The Kingston Trio. You don't know?

Let me tell you the story Of a man named Charlie On a tragic and fateful day He put ten cents in his pocket, Kissed his wife and family Went to ride on the MTA

Charlie handed in his dime At the Kendall Square Station And he changed for Jamaica Plain When he got there the conductor told him, "One more nickel." Charlie could not get off that train.

Chorus: Did he ever return, No he never returned And his fate is still unlearn'd He may ride forever 'neath the streets of Boston He's the man who never returned.

Still nothing? OK moving on.

After traversing the Zirkels for a month we returned to camp for the end of summer feast, and on of the counselors was teasing me about the MTA song. One of the cool girls overheard and absolutely humiliated me in front of all the camp. It was very teen movie moment, you know the music stops, everyone is silent and then all of a sudden everyone simultaneously starts pointing and laughing at you.

I ran away in shame and never went back to summer camp. I didn't tell my parents why I didn't want to go anymore. They just thought I was a teenager with a chip on my shoulder.

Stupid mean girls. But I haven't missed a Femmes show in Denver in 12 years.

Not my favorite, but I guess I don't hate it. What I do hate are the grey hairs that are beginning to run a little rampant. They are thick, coarse and bristly, and they aren't actually grey, they are silver. The pattern is cool, all concentrated right in the middle, and in ten years it'll be really pretty in a Bonnie Raitt kind of way.

But right now, with my 28th birthday looming I'm not quite ready to embrace this silver streak. I was showing my mom today, and she got really excited, because she likes Bonnie Raitt's hair, and until today she thought I was making it all up.

She told me to get over it. Either color it or celebrate it, but quit bitching about it. So, OK, but now I just can't decide which. Sometimes I think, it could be beautiful and unique, and I like unique. Sometimes I think, I'm not even 30 yet! How can I be going grey?

What do you think, should I go grey gracefully?

Labels: Rants

I know that objectively speaking, this was a terrible movie, but I have such a soft spot for comics turned into movies, that I liked it anyway. And that's saying a lot considering how terrible Jessica Alba is at her job.

Labels: Movies

And really, you could hardly call it settling. The Hippie is a good looking, intelligent, successful guy. We have a fair amount in common, and like doing a lot of the same things. We can talk about work and understand each other because we are in related fields. He is interesting to talk to, and rather adventuresome.

So what is holding me back? You could argue that nice guys finish last, but I'm not all together convinced he is a nice guy, not after everything that happened between us a few years ago. I really do feel like that isn't a big deal, he and I weren't ever close enough for me to hold a grudge.

There is just something missing. That something just isn't there. I think it has a lot to do with this simple fact; he isn't funny. He doesn't make me laugh, he's too earnest. He is perfectly pleasant, but he's never made me cackle (I have maybe the worst laugh in North America), and I can't remember him ever even making me chuckle.

We can stay up late and argue about politics and talk about climbing. We can make dinner and watch baseball together. But, as cliche as it may sound, what really does it for me is humor, and he's not funny.

No amount of rationalization or even settling for just a little less will suffice. And I wouldn't want it to. My heart breaks just a little for everyone who might settle (even just a little) for whatever reason.

And when it comes down to it, if I'd rather sit at home alone and read a book for the 21st time than go out climbing and grab a couple of beers, then it's just not going to happen.

Labels: Statements

Sometimes I get in the mood for a book I've already read. Actually that happens a lot, I'm a big re-reader. It's almost a compulsion, once I start thinking about a book, I won't be able to think about anything else until I read it again.

This is one of my favorite books by one of my favorite authors.

Superficially it is a book about a young fly fishing prodigy, but at it's heart it is love story of the boy and his family. It assuages my loneliness, when I am stricken with that particular emotion.

I read this book at summer camp when I was fourteen (the first time, I have subsequently read it about twenty more times), and I would say it significantly influenced my view of love and relationships and how love grows in unique and complex ways.

Labels: Books