I hope everyone's holidays were a success. I had a great time, and I only cried once.

I am currently suffering a holiday-hangover brought on by too much merriment and love and joy and gift wrap.

Fortunately for the past few days I've been working from home per my boss; it's awesome. Nothing like working in sweat pants and not leaving the house. The down side to that is not hitting the gym- which wouldn't seem so bad but I'm getting married in less than a month and my dress is a wee bit on the snug side. All that delicious fatty Christmas food didn't really help.

I've been waiting until the very last minute to have my dress fitted and I think that time is just about now.

With the holidays out of the way I'm getting really excited about the wedding, I can't wait to marry Josh and see all my friends and family and to finally be done waiting.

Sunday night Josh and headed, along with his brother Micah, out to Wheaton to celebrate the first night of Hanukkah with Josh's family. Hanukah falls at a different time each year, and I'm excited that this year it is around the same time as Christmas. It makes for a very festive feeling in our house.

We braved the cold (Oh, so cold) weather and made our way to the station to catch the train to the suburbs.

After dinner we played the dreidel game (I cleaned up), Josh and his family sung a lovely prayer and then lit the first candle in the menorah. We exchanged gifts and then played board games for a bit.

Back at home later that evening we cleaned up the kitchen and set up our menorah. Josh has a few; my favorite is one that he's had for ages. Josh sung the prayer again and lit the menorah in our kitchen. After which he and I exchanged our Hanukkah gifts and settled into the couch to watch old episodes of Lost.

Last night Josh made latkes and tonight (Christmas Eve Eve) I'm joining Josh and his brother Micah on their annual trek to Chinatown (they usually go on Christmas, we are compromising) for food, yo-yo fighting and dangerously strong cocktails.

Last week Josh and I decorated our Christmas tree (donated by our friend Bern, thanks Bern!) and hung our stockings up. It is my very first Christmas tree which is bittersweet. I am so blessed to be spending my holidays with Josh and I feel so full of love and hope for the future but at the same time I've never spent Christmas without my parents and I'll miss our traditions and old habits. I am comforted that my parents aren't just sitting at home having miserable Christmas without me, but they hit the road and went to visit my Grandma and my mom's brother and his family. Though- I'm jealous I can't be there.

Christmas Eve we'll celebrate with my father's family's tradition- they grew up poor and had to make do on the holidays, one year there just wasn't money for any thing more elaborate than chili and grilled cheese sandwiches. Every year since then it has been the traditional Christmas Eve dinner, and a reminder of our blessings.

For Christmas dinner I'm breaking with tradition (from my mother's family- prime rib and lasagna) and trying a new recipe. I've been looking forward to having a few days off to cook. I'm making cassoulet, something that requires the extra prep time. We might have some company though, so I may need a backup plan just in case it doesn't turn out!

I am so looking forward to eating, drinking, lounging, cooking, tamales (thanks dad!), snuggling down on the couch for some TV, giving Josh his presents, sipping on mimosas to alleviate our hangovers, and enjoying the general merriment that comes along with the holidays.

Happy Hanukkah and Merry Christmas and Happy-any-other-holiday-you-may-celebrate-that-isn't-Hanukkah-or-Christmas.

1. Bloggy Scarf Swap

Dallas from For The Journey http://forthejourney.net/ sent me a rockin' fleece scarf that I'm super grateful for now that winter is really here in Chicago. I sent her a bulky, soft scarf that I knitted. I hope she likes it!

2. Garrett Mix

At the train station on Sunday Micah snagged a bag of this cheesy-carmely crispy-chewy popcorn. It is so much better that I can even describe. I want to eat it everyday.

3. Christmas!

Josh bought me this new ornament for our sparsely decorated tree. I love it more than anything I could have picked out myself.

4. Lost

I am the last person in America to watch this show. Josh loves it, but I'd never seen it (I thought it looked stupid). I started watching season one and now I'm hooked!

5. Hulu

Arrested Development, The Pretender, Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip, Buffy, Eureka... and now you know what a huge geek I am. Hulu gives me my TV fix.

6. Mastering the Art of French Cooking

God I love reading cookbooks. One of the first things Josh's mom and I ever talked about was Julia Child's classic book. Reading it alone is a lesson in kitchen humility. I love to curl up and leaf through it and imaging whipping up some of these dishes. For Christmas dinner this year I'm going to try to make her recipe for cassoulet- but with some cheats. I'll let you know how it goes.

7. Moscow Mule

Fresh lime + vodka + good ginger beer- this cocktail knocks my socks off. SO yummy. The Sioux City ginger beer is the key to this charming cocktail, spicy and not too sweet; I've found no substitute.

8. Hot Date's With My Dude

Despite some wet weather Josh and I are still exploring our neighborhood restaurants. I'm not sure we'll be getting out much anymore now that it's something like -1,000 degrees out, but spring is just right around the corner. Right?

9. Hanukkah!

The dreidel, the menorah, Josh singing the prayer beautifully and with out self-consciousness- I think Hanukkah is just lovely. Plus, it stretches out the holidays and gives you an excuse to make latkes.

This probably won't come as a surprise to anyone, but Josh and I decided to stay in New Years Eve this year. I haven't actually been out on New Years since, well, since, hmmm... it's been a few years. Every year someone seems to throw a party, and I'd rather get drunk at Suzie's house where I can run around with my pants off than get gussied up and pay a cover at some lame bar any day of the week.

I figured it would be just Josh and me, and we'd drink Champagne and play Trivial Pursuit and watch Arrested Development and stay safe and warm and comfy in sweat pants. Last night Josh mentioned that Byron didn't have any big plans, and wanted to join us at home. This got me thinking about maybe having a little party...

About six months ago I read about something called "Flavor Tripping Berries" in a NYT article.

I was instantly taken with the idea, and I've been waiting (oh, so patiently) for the opportunity to present itself to have our own Flavor Tripping Party. I'd thought about surprising Josh with some for Christmukah but hadn't really committed to the idea. I've decided that New Years Eve is the perfect time, and so this morning I ordered a batch.

We'll plan on foods like balsamic vinegar and Tabasco sauce, fresh lemons, limes and grapefruit, salt and vinegar potato chips, tequila, Guinness, Brussels sprouts, some very blue cheeses and goat cheese. I've heard that the berries work differently on different people. Some people have no change in their taste buds at all; for some people the berries alter the taste of everything they put into their mouths.

Before you freak out, this is all totally legal, it is not a drug. You suck on a berry for about a minute; a natural ingredient in the miracle berry temporarily alters your taste buds to perceive sour as sweet.

So, even though I said we were never having another party, we are. And if you don't want to go out with all the 21 year olds and suburbanites on New Year's Eve but you would like to drink champagne and maybe play some games and listen to music you are invited to our Flavor Tripping Party. Just shoot me an email and bring something sour or bitter with you so we can all try it.

This weekend was the perfect amount of relaxing and interesting. It was the kind of weekend I'd like to think will be typical once I stop going out of town every other weekend.

Friday night Josh and I met Byron at The Duke of Perth for the best (all you can eat- just what need) fish and chips I've had in the States ever. Very crispy and light, it went great with the Belhaven Twisted Thistle IPA I was drinking. After dinner we headed up to The Shoe to say hello to Micah and after a drink there we headed home.

Saturday I woke up early (so early!) and not wanting to wake Josh I crept downstairs to watch a movie and internet for a while. My idyllic winter Saturday would include lots of movies, wine, popcorn, pets to lie on your feet and keep them warm, some knitting or a puzzle, and a great big blanket to snuggle down under. Josh's idea of a perfect winter Saturday would be to bundle up and get out of the house; he suggested a chili cook-off, a museum, a movie, some sort of outdoor holiday market, and even a show where some cats played musical instruments. We watched movies.

One thing I actually accomplished this weekend was one of my favorite holiday traditions- drinking a bottle of wine and writing all my holiday cards. So if your card is a bit illegible, just remember I was half in the bag when I wrote it. Happy Holidays!

It was funny writing these cards and sort of reflecting over everything that has happened this past year. My friends Tanya and Suzie have, in the past year, both married wonderful men who make them unbelievably happy. Ivory and Jamie had the most amazing, beautiful, miraculous baby girl, Emma, who is the most delightful thing I've ever seen. My friends Kate and Alex moved back to Golden from Alaska, my friend Sarah moved into and renovated a house, and my cousins Tom and Anneesa both moved back to Kuwait. I moved to Chicago where I got to witness the exhilarating election of our new President. Jill changed careers and is starting graduate school.

Last year at this time I was awkwardly involved with a man who never really fit, now he and I are both engaged to other people, and neither of us could be happier. The stack of cards going out this year is twice as big as last year; Josh's friends and family are part of my life now too. I never really thought of the possibility of a man like Josh- someone who is weird and funny and kind hearted and a little lazy- just like me.

Everything about my life is different from my life just twelve months ago, but the astonishing thing, is that despite all the changes, everything feels completely normal, and just as it should.

Needless to say I am over-the-top excited about going to Vegas with my sweet Ladies for a quick weekend. Last night I got to thinking about trips to Vegas in years past and I began looking at old photos. I used to be so skinny; looking at these pictures makes me want to stab myself in the eye with a fork. I showed them to Josh who said "Well, you're a lot prettier now..." and then reached out and rubbed my belly. Needless to say he is lucky I didn't rip his hand off*.

But he is right. Though skinny, I was kind of heinous. I didn't really start doing anything about my eyebrows until I was about 22 so I walked around looking like teen-wolf for all of college.

But I digress, I now present:

Vegas: A Timeline (In Highlights and terrible pictures**)

March 2001: My 21st Birthday
My first trip to Vegas; we were so naïve and stupid, but this trip yields my favorite story. Our flight left at 8 in the morning and so we just never went to sleep the night before. I passed out on the pane on the shoulder of the man next to me who looked just like Snoop Dog. I woke up about half way home, saw the drool (no joke) on his shoulder and smelled my rancid Vegas-breath (stale booze, cigarettes and general Vegas stench) and began apologizing profusely. Faux-Snoop held up one hand and told me not to worry about it. He picked up a pillow and put it on his shoulder and gestured for me to go ahead and lie back down. Horrified, I said I absolutely couldn't. Well, I started to say that, but before I could finish my sentence I promptly fell asleep on his shoulder again.

January 2002: New Years

This was a last minute trip. We decided to go and we went. I am amazed that we found a hotel room it being New Years and us having made no reservation, but I am not a tiny bit surprised at quality of said hotel room. It was way, way, way off strip and dirty. The first one we found had blood stains on the comforter. SO SCARY.

That hair color makes me cringe. So does that lipstick. New Years in Vegas was fun, but the 12 hour drive back to Golden, CO after New Year's in Vegas was not. I swore I'd never drive to Vegas again.

Three sorority girls; a blonde, a brunette and a redhead. There is a porn in there somewhere.

March 2004: My 24th Birthday

We Drove to Vegas again. My friend Heather, bless her heart, insisted on taking her turn driving, much to the chagrin of Jill and me. Heather drives, texts, puts on make-up and dicks around with the stereo all at the same time. Despite her numerous attempts to kill us we arrived in one piece.

It was during this trip I first won big at the blackjack tables, I had my first lap dance (at the Spearmint Rhino- those girls are a-ma-zing), and I had my first vacation fling. Then I passed out for two-thirds of the drive home only to wake up and throw-up every fifteen minutes the rest of the way. I am one classy broad.

October 2006: No Real Reason

This was probably the lamest trip ever. Well for me, everyone else had a ball. I passed out by 5 two of the three nights we were there. It was, in effect, the most expensive nap ever.

You can't tell from this picture, but I am passed out at the table in a restaurant. Shame.

January 2009: My Bachelorette Party

Shennanigans are yet to be seen, but I've got the entertainment on lock.

*Dudes, if your lady is having a little insecurity about the 15 or so pounds she may have gained after moving in with you and doing nothing but eat cheese and drink wine for months on end, do not, under any circumstances rub her belly like that of a fat dog or baby. It is not awesome.

** I scanned the images in from actual photographs, but did a terrible job uploading them. Use your imagination.

For the last five or so years every time any of our friends would get married someone would inevitably say "We should go to Vegas for your bachelorette party!" and everyone else would say "Yeah! Yeah we should! That would be awesome!" And then that idea would invariably fall by the wayside. It was too much effort, too much hassle. Who wants to go to Vegas anyway, when there is so much to do?

So when, last weekend, Suz said "We should go to Vegas for your bachelorette party!" and everyone else said "Yeah! Yeah we should! That would be awesome!" I didn't really think much of it. I mean really, who wants to fly out to Vegas for the party and then two weeks later fly out to Chicago for the wedding. That is a lot of traveling to ask people to do.

So imagine my surprise last night to get a call from good ol' Suz; "Hey Southwest is having a three day sale, are you in or out?" My reply; "Um, duh, I'm in, we haven't been to Vegas in two years!" And then she clicked 'BUY'

So yeah. Now we're off to Vegas for a weekend in January. Woohoo!

This trip, though, I'll know better than to take a muscle relaxer (I'd thrown out my back) before drinking all night. That wasn't fun for anyone.

It is hard for me, living in Chicago. I miss my friends, I miss my family, and I miss my state. It is hard to spend so much time away from home each day- my commute stretching out to three hours a day now that the weather has turned. It's hard to be in a foreign place, alone and far from home.

Sometimes, though, it's hard for Josh too. I am not alone in feeling the misery of my very long drive home at the end of a very long and cold day. Nor am I alone in experiencing the foul mood such a commute creates. I'm not the only one who suffers the hang-over like effects of coming back to Chicago after a weekend in Denver. I forget that as miserable as I might occasionally be, Josh is equally as miserable because he feels like it is his entire fault that I'm here and not there.

In that, he suffers alone. I, at least, know that at the end of a fantastic weekend in Denver I'd still have to head to work on Monday if I lived nearby. It would still be two, three or four weeks before my friends and I could get together again. I miss my friends, my parents, but even in Golden I didn't see them much more frequently than I do now.

I miss it so much, but the alternative, living without Josh, would be torture. When all is said and done, I might not be as happy in Chicago as I would if we lived in Denver, but I am still very, very happy.

And more than anything I miss the possibility of watching TV with Jill, or visiting Kate, or having a Suzie weekend. And to be fair, they are all just a short flight away.

That is the best word I can think of to describe this past weekend. My friends, my family, words do not adequately describe how lucky I am to have such amazing people in my life. I don't really have time for a recap now, and I haven't yet had a chance to even look at most of the pictures from this weekend, but here is my early favorite.

See? Bliss.

Scarf Swap

This month I am participating in a scarf swap. Talia at Rejoicings and Ramblings went through the considerable effort of pairing up dozens of bloggers for this little endeavor. I have been paired up with Dallas at For the Journey. I am about halfway done making her scarf, but considering my rudimentary knitting skills and from the looks of her design-centric blog I may be getting the better end of the bargain here.

Sexy in the Steel Mill

One thing about being one of the very few women in my field at work (well one of very few women at work in general) is that people are always looking out for me. When I first moved to Chicago Ed gave me a pair of slim fitting "ladies" safety goggles to wear at work. Sadly I can't wear them (my safety goggles are prescription) but it was a really cute gift that brought a huge smile to my face. This week a coworker of mine brought me a hat for no reason at all. Perhaps because he knew I'd love it. And I do. It is an industrial hat, the kind the workers in the coke plant wear. I am now geekier and less attractive than ever. That's right bitches.

Wedding Shower

This weekend I am heading home to Denver. Activities include hanging with my ladies, getting some QT with my folks, stocking up on tamales from La Casita (don't you wish I would shut up about the tamales?), and attending a wedding shower. For me. A wedding shower for me. Awkward. But I am excited too. My friend Suzie keeps reminding me that it's just one of those things and that I shouldn't feel that weird about it. I am grateful and surprised and flattered and all of those other words that come close but don't actually describe the feeling- that my friends and family would be so generous.

Last weekend Jenna (my soon to be MIL) and her partner Ed had Josh and I over for dinner. Before we left they surprised us with a gift basket filled with useful and extremely thoughtful gifts. And then they made us pose for the most awkward photo shoot of all time. Josh deleted a lot of the pictures right off my camera before I even had a chance to look at them, but here are the two that escaped his purge:

Unbelievable Surprises

Yesterday when I got home form work I had a really wonderful surprise waiting for me. I've mentioned my friend Kate's family before; I absolutely love them. They are the loud, enthusiastic, great big meddlesome family I never had (my own family is small and we mind our own business). Yesterday I received the RSVP from Katie's parents that they are going to make the trip out for our wedding. Ever since the wedding stuff started I have been completely floored by the response of our friends and family. I cannot tell you how humbled I am that people want to travel half-way across the country to come to Chicago in January to attend our little wedding. I am so grateful for all of the love in my life, and sometimes it takes my breath away.

But that's just fine.

This week has been really long and it has been flying by all at the same time. I know that sounds weird. Tomorrow after work I am heading to Denver for the weekend.

CAN'T WAIT!!!!!

Last night I was driving home from yoga and I was listening to a program on NPR- an op-ed piece about the economy. An economics professor, from Duke University I believe, was describing a theory in which instead of saving money during the recession, what our economy really needs is for us to be spending money. The stock market really won't grow your money right now, but spending that money, spreading it around can stimulate the economy.

To be honest, if I had more discretionary money I'd probably buy up as much stock as I can while it's cheap, but I am not in a position to do that.

What I am spending money on right now is our wedding.

Our wedding, as weddings tend to do, has gotten a bit bigger than we intended. The guest list grew, and with a bigger guest list we finally had to admit we needed a caterer. Fortunately my parents stepped in and first offered then insisted on helping us with the cost of this shindig. I am extremely grateful for that. Whenever I bring this up my mom looks at me like I am seriously crazy and reminds me that my parents have only one child so why don't I go ahead and shut up.

I have heard a plethora of horror stories about parents of the bride who hijack the wedding, the couples's ideas getting lost or trumped by the people holding the purse strings. We have been very lucky that my parents want us to be happy and have a small casual wedding just the way we want it.

Lately I have been a little worried about our wedding plans veering off track- our philosophy getting lost in the process of planning this thing. We are still having a very small wedding on a very small budget. But we are spending more money than we set out to do, and in this economy spending money on something as frivolous as a wedding just doesn't seem prudent. But that program I listened to last night got me thinking about things a different way.

Instead of 20 people we are expecting around 40 and instead of a DIY affair we are hiring a caterer. But I am excited that more of Josh and my friends will be able to attend, and I am really excited we don't have to worry about the food ourselves. The caterer we hired is a small, local business that makes creative, interesting food. The bakery at which we are having the wedding (they are also making our dessert) is another small, local business owned by two of Josh's friends (and clients). I bought my dress online from a manufacturer in California who was awarded "Minority Manufacturing Firm of the Year", by the Mayor of Los Angeles. And it's a damn cool dress. Our photographer is another friend who takes beautiful pictures.

I am really happy that we are in a position to have our wedding and instead of feeling too, too guilty about spending this money I am just excited when the RSVP's roll in.

Today is the 20th World AIDS Day

Global AIDS Alliance
amfAR
AIDS, Medicine & Miracles
Children With AIDS Project
Elton John AIDS Foundation
Elizabeth Glaser Pediatric AIDS Foundation
The Names Project Foundation the U.S. AIDS Memorial Quilt