Our apartment is all packed up and the movers are scheduled for tomorrow morning. I am ready to say goodbye to our neighborhood, I have to say I think we went out with a bang.

I'll miss having a bar on the corner, I'll miss the bartender that runs outside when he sees Josh and I walking the dog and the convenience of knowing the closest Guinness is only half a block away.

Saturday night Josh and I got dressed up and went out; something we haven't done in quite some time. We had a light supper and amazing cocktails at The Drawing Room. I can not recommend this place highly enough, as Josh put it, "it was like drinking juice boxes all your life and then having fresh squeezed." If we needed some motivation to ensure we'd be visiting the city regularly, now we have it. I can't wait for our next visit.

We were having too much fun to remember to take a picture of the delightful cocktails or the delicious food. But just look at that huge grin! That's a huge gin grin, that is.

One of these days I need to put together a collection of all the "table shots" Josh snaps when we're dining out. Sort of like still lives, I love his impromptu compositions.

The one thing we didn't do this weekend that I'd planned on was one last trip to the Farmer's Market in Lincoln Park. The weather just wasn't cooperating. Fortunately I made it out there last weekend. I bought up fresh ripe tomatoes and threw together a panzanella with locally grown heirloom tomatoes and micro-basil. It was a big hit!

I also threw together this clafoutis made with my favorite tart cherries (yum!). Unfortunately Josh doesn't like tart cherries and I had to eat it all by myself! But, to be perfectly honest, I'd have probably made this even had I known Josh wouldn't eat a bite.

We're getting there, we're not all packed up, but we (and by "we" I mean "Josh) are dismembering our apartment and stowing it all tightly in boxes. Because we have more kitchen-stuff than we have every-other-kind-of-stuff combined, we packed the kitchen early. We left out a few essentials, my cast iron skillet, a few plates, the good knives and some flatware, so that we'd be able to feed ourselves this last week.

But then...

The kitchen filled up with boxes, and in the course of our packing we came across an envelope filled to bursting with Groupons* for restaurants in our neighborhood. We decided to use them all before we move and the chances of our eventually using them dwindled to nothing.

So we've been eating out every night this week, and after dinner we might check out a few neighborhood shops or grab a beer at a local bar. To be honest, it's the most fun I've had since moving to the city. Of course, we haven't gotten a single thing done after 5 pm. No packing, no laundry, no reading and less sleep... pretty much why we, as a general rule, don't go out on weeknights. Plus it has been a very expensive week, even with all the gift certificates and coupons.

Still, it has been a great way to say goodbye to our neighborhood.

* Groupons are great coupons for things like a $50 gift certificate for $25. The started in Chicago and has become wildly popular, so much so that they are now available in other cities. Click here to see if Groupon has come to your city.

Hmmm

I'm feeling kind of grumpy today. So much so that I feel like dwelling a bit. I'm usually pretty positive, but that doesn't mean there aren't a few things I hate.

The sensational nature of the news in Chicago
People who clap at the end of movies in the theater
People who refer to themselves as foodies
Waiters who greet your table by saying "Hey guys!"
Limp bacon when I've specifically asked for very crispy
People who don't use the hands free attachment while driving
Anyone who calls before 8 am or after 9 pm

All right then, carry on.

I wanted to start the week on a positive note, recognizing all the things I might miss about living on the north side, but today, the real reasons I'm excited to move.

A few things I won't miss about living on the north side...

• The 3 hour commute
• Drunk college kids outside our apartment at 4 in the morning
• Annoying youths popping off fireworks all summer and scaring the daylights out of the Murph dog
• Crazy loud traffic
• The huge bright light outside our bedroom window
• Having no walls or doors
• Crazy potentially-drug-dealing-but-at-the-very-least-definitely-involved-in some-super-shady-dealings downstairs neighbors

And a few things I'm looking forward to

• Living right on the lake


• And across the street from a huge park


• Riding bikes to get the best tacos I've ever had (at the Mexican Inn)


• Our three (3!!!) bedroom apartment, AND a break on the rent

Now we just need to finish packing...

This is our last week in Lincoln Park. Josh and I are usually on the same page about things, but right now I am overjoyed at the prospect of moving to the south side and Josh is kind of jumbled; a little excited, a little sad, a little nervous. I guess I had all of those emotions last summer when I moved out here, but, you k now, more so because I couldn't just pop up to see my friends anymore, so I'm not being exactly the most supportive partner.

Actually, I've sort of adopted the attitude of, "I moved 1000 miles, you can move 30."

Like I said, I could be more supportive and loving.

But, we're getting packed and I'm doing my best to enjoy living in the thick of the city this last week.

This weekend I went to the Lincoln Park farmer's market and the conservatory- my two absolute favorite things the city has to offer. Sunday we joined friends for an impromptu brunch and then Josh and I blew off packing and spent the entire day at the movies. It got me thinking that might be one or two things I'll miss about living on the north side.

To celebrate and kick off "Leaving Lincoln Park Week" I present are a few things I might miss when we're gone:

• The very short and safe walk to any number of busses, taxis and the El
• The multitude of take-out options for nights when neither of us feels like cooking
• 5+ grocery stores within walking distance of our apartment
• Living close to friends
• Walking to our favorite restaurants
• Having a garage- I am dreading scraping my car in the mornings this coming winter
• Our funky little apartment- it's weird and kind of wonky, but we've worked hard to make it a cute place we like living

I think because I've spend the last week high of my gourd sitting on the couch or sleeping I'm just not feeling inspired. I also think that the big move in a week and the BIG birthday in six months have got me thinking about how I spend my time and how I'd like to spend my time.

See, after we move in a week I will get back two whole hours of every day.

Call it cliché, but it got me thinking about those lists people make. Whether they are "bucket lists" or "thirty before thirty" lists I've been reading people's lists and finding inspiration. Inspiration to stop hating this city and maybe start appreciating it, something I think might be possible now that our epic feud over traffic will be resolved.

You can find my list on my About page, I'm looking forward to doing more and bitching less. I'm looking forward to being happier and healthier. I'm looking forward to tackling my list.

I had this really nice idea about how I'd enjoy my recovery time after getting my wisdom teeth taken out on Saturday. I'd catch up on the huge pile of magazines I haven't had a chance to read*.

I thought I'd read a new book I checked out from the library and watch some movies. I'd eat some ice cream- a usually forbidden treat- and drink cherry 7-Up, and generally laze about.

Instead I cried and slept and yelled at my husband for buying the wrong brand of refried beans. Seriously. I maintain I wasn't in my right mind. Turns out I couldn't stand anything sugary, but all pureed foods are sweet and I couldn't keep my eyes open for more than 20 minutes at a time (when I wasn't throwing up) and that suited me just fine. I am finally on the other side of what should have been a really simple and straight forward thing and I'm so glad I'm over it, but I still really hurt. In a weeks time I'll be back to normal and in two weeks time I'll wonder what on earth I made so much fuss about. That's just the way it goes.

Until then, I can't wait until I get home so I can take a good strong pain killer. These Advil just aren't cutting it.

* Food & Wine, Game Informer, Women's Health, Glamour; only the first two I actually ordered. I have no idea how I got on the list for the second two, Josh and I have a sneaking suspicion that my mom signed me up in her never ending quest to get me to lose weight. As a side note, is it tough being the slightly thick daughter of a champion tri-athlete and size-0 mother. I used to let the comments bother me, but once I realized she doesn't even know what she's doing Josh and I turned it into a game. Like when I was violently ill and throwing up for 7 hours and then could eat nothing but apple sauce for three days my mom said "Oh, good for the waist line!" Never mind I was in a tremendous amount of pain. She really did feel bad; she just tries to look on the bright side. And her bright side, since I've gained weight, revolves around my opportunity to lose weight. It really doesn't matter that what I really, really need to do to lose weight is to go off the pill, and that would result in another kind of weight gain, if you know what I'm saying?

Updated: My mom didn't really send me those magazines, that's just a little joke Josh and I have. And also, she isn't cruel or anyhting, she really does just want the best for me, and even if she's kind of funny about it, I truly do believe that it's the thought that counts.

First for the update, I'm feeling better- as long as the vicodin doesn't wear off, in which case I'm still feeling all hurty. Last night the pain killers wore off around 3 am and woke me right up out of a really strange dream.

When the pain killers wear off I feel like this all over again. But only on the one bad side. The other side just feels like I really need to brush my teeth.

Two little thank yous to Kitty and the Murph dog who knew something was amiss and spent the weekend sleeping and lounging around watching all five Harry Potter movies that are out on DVD.

The HUGE thank you obviously goes to sweet Joshy who made no less than four trips to the store in two days to get me various things I could try to eat and not throw up, because every time I threw up, that particular food stuff was obviously ruined for the foreseeable future. He was also pretty much at my beck and call when I needed more ice, more water, a blanket, some pudding, you get the picture.

Though he's no saint, he did take that picture of me...

And finally, lots of Winners!

I just used a random number generator and picked five numbers and they corresponded to the five commenters who won. Thanks everyone for commenting, I'm sorry everyone couldn't win. If you did win, you'll receive an email from me at the email address you provided and I'll get your address so I can get you your gifts tout de suite.

$50 Gap Gift Certificates
Danni and June

Free Gap Jeans
Mindy, Kate and Cindy

Digital Camera
Bernadette

Everyone has a story about getting their wisdom teeth out and they all start like this:

"Don't worry, it was fine, except..."

And they follow up that "except" with some horror story of varying degree of terrifying:

"Except mine were impacted and I couldn't eat for a week"
"Except I used a straw and got dry sockets- torture"
"Except I was a 21 year old idiot when I got mine out so I went out to the bars with all of my friends and accidentally ripped out all my stitches."
"Except I tried tyo go without drugs and ended up crying in the CVS"

So here's the thing. I took all the advice to heart. I got my pain meds right away, I wouldn't even think about using a straw, and come on, I don't even go to the bar on a normal Saturday, let alone right after something like this; so I figured I'd be all good.

My story goes like this;

Don't worry, it was fine, except apparently I'm allergic to Amoxicillin and I threw up for seven hours straight yesterday and popped all my stitches out. Also I did that without any pain meds because it took a while to figure out which medication was making me sick."

Yes, yesterday was a big old ball of suck. I honestly don't think I've ever been so miserable. Josh did what he could, which included sitting on the bathroom floor holding me while I sobbed waiting to throw up again. And urging me to give the pain meds another chance when we'd reasonably deduced it wasn't the vicodin making me sick.

I'm glad he did, because holy shit did my mouth hurt when I ripped through those stitches.

Update:
I should add that I feel a lot better this morning, I'm heading back in to get a different antibiotic and have the stitches checked, but now that I'm back on the pain meds I feel pretty ok, not quite as macabre as I did when I was up in the middle of the night writing this post. So yeah, it sucked, but it's over.

Also, today is the last day to enter to win Gap gift cards, etc. Comment here to enter.

I feel like this perfectly expresses how I feel this morning:

Me-ow-yawn

1. The very first thing and MOST IMPORTANT- if you are ever in Chicago and you see Josh and I on the street and you recognize us but we've never met please stop and say hi and let me buy you a beer! I got the coolest comment from reader Thea yesterday that she saw us but just drove on by. If she would have stopped and said hi it pretty much would have been the highlight of my life.
2. I listen to NPR everyday for a few hours. I was listening to a recent story about moving the prisoners from Guantánamo Bay to a maximum security prison (in Minnesota I think). A rather folksy local woman said that "she didn't want no Kimro Bad Boys, or whatever it's called" in her back yard. Yes woman who clearly has never read a newspaper, you are exactly who should be making these kinds of decisions, your ignorant and uninformed opinion is very important.


3. Have you even seen this movie Bridge to Terabithia? Dude, not to spoil it but MFG that was a sad flick. Josh and I watch it last night and I was wracked with those chocking sobs that make you snot all over


4. I'm getting my wisdom teethe out tomorrow and I'm super scared. I'm planning on taking it easy, I have a whole stack of magazines I haven't had time to read, a new book and a few movies at the ready. Any good recovery food suggestions?


5. Don't forget to enter the Gap giveaway! Winners will be announced Tuesday.

There is a strange sort of comfort to be found in fighting with my spouse. Josh and I definitely have the occasional knock down drag out fight, and it sucks for sure when I'm crying and he's frustrated and we both just want to kick the other person in the shins and scream, but what I find comforting is that no matter how mad we might be at one another, at the end of the day we're crawling into bed together and the next morning we're waking up still married. We aren't going anywhere.

Fighting with friends is more uncertain, and sometimes I think that uncertainty makes it more difficult.

I have known my friend Jill for over 20 years. She is a smart, funny, beautiful woman, and our friendship is one of the things I am most proud of in my life. We have known each other so well and so long that we can communicate with just a look, and sometimes we don't even need that, she knows what I'm going to say before I say it, and we definitely keep each other in line. .

In the past 20+ years, though we disagree, I think we've only had three major fights. The first one was in first or second grade. I did something to piss her off and she called me a bitch. This, her first swear word, marked the first of probably the thousand times she's called me a bitch in our lifetimes. The second fight I don't even remember, but it was in high school and was probably over some seriously stupid shit. The last time we fought was just a couple of years ago, and it was the first time I remember feeling uncertain about our relationship. It doesn't really matter what the fight was about, what matters is the way the fight happened. Instead of talking things out when things were small, I waited and waited and waited allowing whatever was bothering me to fester and build up until one night I burst and the dam broke. All the feelings I'd stashed for so long came out all at once and at a very loud level.

I don't think we spoke for a week. I was mad, and I wasn't ready to be not mad yet. She didn't really know why I was so upset because I'd never told her, how could she? Eventually we talked. How could we not? After all this time Jilly is my family, and there is really no scenario I can envision in which we wouldn't talk it out and get back on track.

But that's not always the case every argument is not going to be resolved the way you might like. You can't control the outcome of every situation, but you can control your behavior.

Several years ago I had a big falling out with a friend from college. Our paths hadn't crossed since we were undergrads so I never really thought twice about it. Some friendships just run their course. One day, out of nowhere she contacted me through this blog. I was blindsided by that contact. All those hurt feelings came rushing back and I reacted badly. I acted badly. I shot from the hip and before thinking said the first things that popped into my mind. They were also the worst things that popped into my mind.

At first I felt justified. I felt a rush, that rush of saying everything you ever wished you'd say given the chance. But that rush, that high, was fleeting. Soon that euphoric feeling of vindication gave way to remorse and a swell of regret. I never wanted to be that kind of person. I was kind of a mean little kid, mouthy at least, and I'd worked hard at growing out of that. I have spent the better part of adulthood trying to cultivate some sense of grace. I aspire to be a bigger and better person than I am. I want to be kind and thoughtful and caring. I want to be nurturing and supportive.

I want to only speak kind words, but that day it was too late. I figured this guilty feeling would pass, just like that falling out in college, but I found it didn't. I didn't want to rekindle this friendship but that didn't mitigate the feelings of regret I had. I couldn't shake my responsibility here, and I thought about it a lot. One day I just sucked it up, I was ready to take my lumps. I swallowed my pride and sent an apology and this old friend gracefully accepted. We haven't been in contact since, and we won't be, and so maybe the apology seems unnecessary. All I know is that I haven't had a regretful feeling since owning my bad behavior and taking control of it.

I don't know if there is a moral to this story, it's just something I was thinking about. All I can do is share the hard won lessons I've learned and keep on striving for my little piece of grace.

Because we were having a co-ed party, the gals from Brand About Town sent us twice the goods, men's and women's jeans in a variety of shapes and sizes. I was a little nervous before the party that maybe nobody would show up and we'd be stuck with 70 pairs of jeans and a bunch of booze, but just about everyone we know came around and our harmless little brunch turned into a full blown party.

I mean, we started at noon and I had to kick our friends to the curb at ten that night (sorry about that, but I work early!), we had mimosas, quiche, sandwiches played some crazy Wii game and even played a little flippy cup frat boy style (ah, the good old days...)

Last week I tweeted that I was worried that the jeans were all so tiny, I failed to realize that I am officially and by far the fattest person I know. When did that even happen?

What I'm trying to say, is that the jeans were a hit, just, you know, not for me because they didn't fit me. That's less a criticism of the jeans themselves, than of my tremendous ass and the fact that I look like a candy apple in skinny jeans.

Everybody else loved them, in fact we gave away all the women's jeans. We do have some men's jeans left, and Josh is doing a giveaway over at his blog. You can see the video he shot for the party and enter to win some pants. I'm not going to be giving away jeans over here.

Instead I'm giving away 2 $50 gift certificates to the Gap and 3 gift certificates for the new Born To Fit jeans. One lucky winner will also win a new Gap branded digital camera. So to recap, that is 6 chances to win something. You can enter (I'll be doing a random drawing) by leaving a comment on this post any time for the next week.

Worth it.

It wasn't until I was reading blogs in my reader last night and I came upon this one word 'Isolation' that I recognized this thing in my own life.

Before I left Colorado I couldn't have been less isolated. I saw my family once a week and my friends several times a week. I talked to Josh on the phone and via the internet every night. I had a job I didn't hate where I actually interacted with people all day, teaching and collaborating and studying- all things I enjoy.

But life happens, love happened to me and I couldn't be more grateful. I uprooted my life and moved it one thousand miles away.

I got Josh, but what I gave up cost me a lot.

I gave up my home. I love Colorado more than ever now that I'm so far away, which is saying a lot because I loved it tremendously when I lived there.

I gave up spending weekends camped at my parents' house; enjoying the garden, drinking beer with my dad and playing in the park with Murph and my mom. I miss that.

I gave up my friends. All of them; dinners with girlfriends from college, spending weekends at Suzie's house, trekking up to the mountains to visit Mak and Katie in the summers and spending Sundays watching mindless television with Jill and talking about absolutely nothing for eight hours. I miss that too.

I gave it all up and what I'm left with isn't loneliness.

I thought it was for a long time, but it isn't. I am really happy here with Josh, I couldn't imagine living without him now that I know what living with him is like... But I am left with isolation. I am isolated from my friends and family, I can talk on the phone but it isn't the same thing. I'm isolated at work. I have only one coworker who is within 20 years of my age, and he and I have significantly different values, so much so that we can not even converse without animosity. The steel mill culture purports to have changed, but I am alone in my age, gender and experience here. I sit four feet away from my coworkers all day, but I sit alone.

I can't imagine what I would do if I didn't have this platform for communicating with, well, with whomever is out there. I read about people's lives and they read about mine, and though we never really know each other it doesn't always feel that way. I am, everyday, inspired, granted perspective, reassured and made to fell less alone because of this blog, and also because of your blog.

This was inspired by this question and by this beautiful post.

As expected, this week is taking forever.

I am all a twitter with anticipation; I can't wait to see my girls. Jill gets in tomorrow night and Suz gets in Friday morning. Sadly, I can't take Friday off, and just the thought of the girls in town and me stuck at work makes me want to cry, but I'm looking forward to Friday afternoon like you wouldn't believe. We have some fun plans, but I'm more excited about just spending time together than I am about hitting the town. I spent some time last night looking back at some older photos, and all I can say is I guess life changes a little bit.

I've definitely felt the loss of my mojo over the course of the last year; I think I'll see what I can do about getting it back with my cohorts this weekend.

I am a lover of food. Of foods. Of many, many kinds of foods.

I am also the lover of one handsome, funny, sweet, witty picky eater.

Woe is me.

Our major disconnect revolves around the pork family. While Josh is making huge efforts and now eats the occasional pork tenderloin, one food we've never been able to find any common ground with is sausage. I love sausages. Italian sausage, bratwursts, knockwursts, polish, grilled, sautéed, and salami sandwiches on wheat toast with butter... my mouth is watering.

Sadly for the past year I've been living a sausage-free life. It just seems decadent and wasteful to make dinner that only one of us is going to eat. That all came to a head last night when I couldn't deny it anymore, I needed some sausage. Specifically, I needed some sausage and peppers.

Continue Reading Mmmmmmsausageandpeppersandpenneohyeah

Italian sausage is ubiquitous in the American supermarket, you can find both hot or sweet, and if I'm making a big batch I'll use both. Brown the sausage in a heavy pan- a cast iron skillet is perfect, make sure to let the sausage brown deep all over, the sugars will caramelize and everything will taste better.

While the sausage is browning slice the peppers, I like to use a variety of red, yellow and green peppers for more depth of flavor.

In a second pan heat olive oil and sliced garlic- it is important to heat garlic slowly over lowish heat to prevent it from browning and turning bitter. I add the oil and garlic to the pan cold and heat them up together. Once the garlic has warmed, softened and begun to turn translucent add the tomatoes.

San Marzano tomatoes are the only tomatoes I'll use, we take our tomatoes very seriously- in fact my parents brought me a whole case as a wedding present. Dice the tomatoes before adding them to the garlic and oil and sauté. To make quick work of it I use an immersion blender to break up the tomatoes instead of dicing them.

Transfer the sausages into the sauce and simmer until they are cooked through, meanwhile sauté the peppers in the drippings. Add a little salt, pepper and oregano to the sauce. I'm not crazy about oregano simply because I think people overuse it. Add a bit, but don't overdo it of else you'll overpower the sweet flavors you've worked so hard to create. Sadly this isn't a one pot meal- unless you have all day- but it's worth it to brown the sausage and peppers before adding them to the sauce.

Sausage and Peppers is the easiest, most satisfying and versatile dish in my arsenal. Last night I wanted pasta, so I made a sauce, but if you wanted sandwiches you could leave out the sauce, a sautee makes a great appetizer too- serve with crostini or just toothpicks. Leftovers are super delicious so make sure you make extra.

Despite my best intentions I abandoned my mile long to-do list in favor of several walks with the dog, two naps with my husband, one great dinner with friends, and lots of popsicles and movies. I decided that any unfinished creative projects will just have to wait until we are relocated.

For whatever reason, getting too much sleep seems to make people more tired, so it was no surprise that, after starting the weekend off by going to bed at 6 pm on Friday, I am exhausted this morning. Fortunately it is a gorgeous, sunny morning, the traffic was light and I have one hell of a motivator to make it through this week...

Two of my best girl friends are coming for a visit this weekend!

The promise of such a treat this weekend is sure to make the week drag on as slowly as possible. To buoy my spirits I've spent a bit of time brainstorming things I love right now, things I appreciate about what is and what we have- not just what I am looking forward to:

A hot, puffy Dutch Baby fresh from the oven and orange juice with lots of pulp
Those little noises my dog makes when he's having a particularly rowdy dream
The cat's reaction to a brand new catnip mouse- all purring and rolling around with eyes squinched shut
Watering tomatoes and watching them grow- and then eating them, diced with salt and pepper
Long hot showers
Pulling on sweatpants- still hot from the dryer, this feels good even when it's hot outside
Soft t-shirts and jeans that fit
Ice cold dirty martini's with blue cheese stuffed olives
My funny dude who follows his creative bliss