Just when I think we’ve got this parenting thing down, Henry throws us a curve ball. It seems to happen every couple of months, so that just when we feel in control the rug is ripped out from us and we start scrambling all over again, trying to figure out how this all works.
Hen is in a funny transition phase he can’t quite crawl yet, and it pisses him off, his teeth haven’t broken through yet, and it pisses him off, he can sort of communicate his needs but not really and it pisses him off. Josh and I are exhausted, and our fuses are shorter than ever, we can’t be mean to the baby when we are frustrated, so we take our frustrations out on each other. The change in the seasons has been particularly rough on Heny, and he has been going to sleep at 5 pm, which means these days I only see him for about 30 minutes a day which is breaking my heart.
My piece of shit body is working against me. I thought when I got pregnant I wouldn’t have to really worry about PCOS again until we wanted to get pregnant again, but it is wrecking havoc on my milk supply. (If only to appease the well intentioned unsolicited advice givers; I’ve tried everything seriously, everything, fenugreek, blessed thistle, the tea, compression, heat, extra water, extra calories, lactation cookies, I replaced all of my pump parts, I pump on a schedule 5x a day and get less than 8 oz all day, everything recommended by kellymom, LLL and everyone else, and I’m still doing all of these things, if I’ve missed anything and you are about to recommend it, I’ve tried that too, but thank you.)
We are embarking on a grand experiment tonight and giving co-sleeping a shot in the hopes of boosting my supply and giving me some more time with my son, even if he is sleeping. We have educated ourselves on safe co-sleeping practices so if you are about to urge us not to because it is dangerous, please don’t. (Side vent more baby boys die from circumcision every year than boys and girls from co-sleeping combined, but you don’t see billboards imploring parents to leave their poor son’s penises intact do you?)
I’m not worried about safety, but I am worried about how it will go, will it help us or hurt us in the sleep department? Will I be able to sleep in jammies and without our big down comforter? How will our sex life be affected? How will our marriage be affected? We’ll see, heck, it might not even work for us, Henry might even be back in his crib before the weekend, but I hope to find something that works for us.
I’m sorry about your supply issues. Mine has been tanking lately, too, and I’ve tried all the things that you mentioned above as well. Hopefully both of us bounce back soon.
Good luck with the co-sleeping. It’s not really an option for us since Andrew moves around SO much when he sleeps that none of us would get any sleep if he was in bed with us. Enjoy the extra time with Hen!
I know you specifically said you didn’t want it, so feel free to automatically delete this, but my LC recommended goats rue for breastfeeding with PCOS. It helps build more milk ducts which is the number one issue PCOS causes BF issues. If you already knew about this and tried it, again, sorry.
Best of luck, sweet dreams! I hope the transition goes smoother and soon.
This is why I love this blog–you’re keepin’ it real. As awesome as parenthood has been, we are EXHAUSTED. We have a sixth and 1/2 month old and are going through the same issues–the five o’clock bedtime, the on-going teething, the shrieking, the frustration over not crawling. My son wakes up every 40 minutes-give or take-at night, so we’ve been co-sleeping. It is easy to put him back to sleep but I’ll be honest–my husband now sleeps on the couch.
The most important part of this post… “find something that works for us”… That’s really ALL that matters! Good luck!
Ugh, that sucks about your supply issues. I remember worrying about that with Nora
Stress has a horrible affect on supply, so my worrying about it actually made it worse! I hope co-sleeping works for you guys and is the answer to the problem!!
Side Note: your milk may have just changed consistency/nutrients – I know that happens at different times during nursing – you may be making less but it could be fattier and more caloric than before, so I would just see how it goes! GL!
I’m sorry to hear about the rough patch! No advice just words of encouragement – you are doing a great job!!! As a Mom of a 7.5m boy (and a 3.5y girl too) I have to say we all have our struggles – just keep trying to find what works for you and have faith in your abilities as a parent! Our current struggles include not sleeping through the night (not even close), frustrations with crawling, just got over a nasty cold/sinus infec/ear infec/conjunctivitis and a looming hernia surgery at the end of the month so like you we are trying to take it day by day! Hang in there and HUGS to you!
I’m sorry you are having such issues with BFing. I just want you to know that I’m hoping the transition goes well and you guys will be able to make it work! And just FYI: I think you are doing a fantastic job of parenting
sorry about your rough patch
i hope cosleeping works for you guys! as much as i complain about being woken up x amount of times each night with liam suckling away like a piglet, I know it’s the main thing keeping my stash going. The nights he only eats once, I pump half the amount the next day as I do when he snacks a few times.
i know you’re not looking for advice, but just wanted to let you know liam ends up in our bed every night and our sex life is unaffected. we just make sure he goes down in his crib when we’re in the mood and i bring him to bed afterwards. i also cut boob holes in old long sleeve shirts and got used to sleeping in long pj pants. some nights, liam and i need our space and will gets kicked to the couch which he doesn’t mind. good luck
just remember this will pass
Good luck on getting your supply back up. We co-sleep, have from the beginning and everyone is happy. The husband and I use separate covers and it helps to keep me warm without it going over baby. And as for sex, that is what other rooms and couches are for. L falls asleep in our bed at night, but we both stay up later, we just don’t use our own bed anymore.
And I know this isn’t going to help but try not to stress too much about the milk supply, it will only make matters worse.
I’ve had crazy supply problems, and breastfeeding has been an utter disappointment for me. That said, I’m taking three different herbs right now (fenugreek, alfalfa, and goats rue) and I’m only pumping 4 oz. a day. I have been co-sleeping with Coop for a while now, and nursing through the night has been helpful with my supply issues, but it’s no panacea. I really hope you find something that works for you, because I know how disappointing it is to not be able to have the mothering experience you want.
Big hugs and lots of love from Dallas!
Best of luck! I have really enjoyed co-sleeping and i hope you get some joy out of it. It can be a wondferful experience.
When E turned into a total asshole a couple of months ago, we started bed sharing. It’s been a lifesaver, for real.
Now, how will we go about breaking this habit and eventually get him in his own bed? We’ll cross that bridge when we come to it.
I really think that being a good parent is about seeing what the family, baby, etc needs and doing what you can to make it happen. You and your man sound awesome and Henry is so lucky to have you as parents. I hope the cosleeping helps (it’s helped my family!)
I love your blog and how honest you are!
I love bed-sharing with my 2.5 year old. We struggled in the beginning and I was listening to everyone who said it was so unsafe. Bed-sharing ended up saving my milk supply and my sanity! I struggled with breast feeding for the first 8 weeks . We started bed-sharing at 2 weeks and DS is still nursing 2.5 years later. You have to do what works for you and your family.
I hope co-sleeping works for you. I love having my little one next to me and my husband loves not ever having to get up with our little guy. ha!
We’ve coslept all along and love it – its awesome. Will is Hen’s age and has never slept in his crib lol I hope it works out for you and that it increases your supply <3
I am sorry you are going through is tough stage right now, you are the best and are an amazing mom. Hen is very lucky to have a mother that cares and loves him so much! Good luck!
I hope so too. Good luck!
I am so sorry. Milk supply issues are frustrating. I must tell you this. I can’t believe it has taken you this long to bring him in to your bed. My husband and I had been against cosleeping since we found out we were expecting. LO is 7 months and since she was 4 months she has been in bed with us. it was the only thing that kept me sane. It was one of the things I said I would NEVER do and now we do it. It has helped our marriage for now because I am finally getting sleep. My biggest fear is only that she will fall out of the bed. Just do it. Good luck. P.S. I think you are beautiful and you guys are wonderful parents. Thank you for sharing.
As a non-mom, I find it so interesting how everyone is commending you about being so honest. Obviously, I applaud you and think you are quite fabulous, but I think everyone should try to be honest about these things so others don’t feel like complete freaking failures when x or y isn’t working for them or they are frustrated or whatever. (Not addressing anyone in particular, just the greater, societal “you”.)
HIGH FIVE on the anti-circumcision side vent!! Won’t that be a good day, when there ARE billboards telling parents to leave their sons’ bodies alone? Their penis, THEIR choice. Co-sleeping has saved my brain so many times in so many ways, I hope it goes well.
My six month old daughter is currently rejecting my left side completely. This started about a month ago and between that and my own hormonal issues, it hasn’t been a party over here in the supply department either. It IS so frustrating to work so hard for something that means so much and is such a sweet time with your baby and have it go so wonky! I hope things come together for you one way or the other!
My youngest needed his space to sleep, too, which was the opposite of his brother. Energetically, they were SO different. Thank goodness, we had a super-duper extra-large King bed, so we could all sleep well. A friend had mattresses together in one room – that became, literally, the “bed room”.
Is there any way Josh could bring Hen to you while you work? Pardon my ignorance, that might be a HUGE PITA to attempt – but nothing works to build supply like the baby! No pump can replace him. I know that would mean you couldn’t store that milk, but I bet you’d get more milk the other times you pumped.
Deep peace to you ~
Great idea to try cosleeping as a supply boost and to get some extra time together. We slept with Roscoe until he was about 7 months old–when it stopped working for the three of us. And Merritt has been with us since we brought him home–even at less than 5 pounds! I totally believe in co-sleeping, but it isn’t without its challenges. We’re still sleeping with Merritt, but in an effort to cut down on a double number of night wakes since Roscoe STILL wakes once or twice, Andy sleeps on the couch to deal with R, and I sleep in bed with Merritt. We end up switching places midway through the night because Merritt will only let Andy put him back to sleep–my magic boob doesn’t even work right now…so weird! I hope your second night of cosleeping went better than the first. You’re doing great.