When I shared “Welcome to Holland” with Josh his first response was “that doesn’t apply to us, we aren’t moving to Holland, we’ll just be visiting for a couple of years, then everything will be back to normal.”
I love his attitude, his optimism, his sense of humor and his grace.
Turns out we are moving to Holland after all. Our test results came in and our son has Down Syndrome.
I’m feeling…wow, I’m feeling everything.
I want to say first that we are OK. We aren’t even as sad or as shocked as I thought we’d be. We are crying and reading and laughing and it turns out life goes on. In the face of big news your 2 year old is still bored and still wants to play trains. The world doesn’t stop, who knew?
For some reason we never really entertained this as a possibility. It’s a lot to adjust to. I’ve cried. Then I felt guilty for crying. We have lots to learn. Right now we are pretty overwhelmed.
We are grieving again. The life we planned is gone. The world has completely tilted on its axis. But there is a new world and we will learn to live in it.
I feel like a fool for ever worrying about treating his clubfoot. This is so much bigger. How could I have ever been worried about how our lives would change? Now all I can think about is his life, will it be hard? Will he be healthy? Will people be kind? Will he know love? I hope so, I believe he will.
I know it’ll be fine. It’ll just be a different life than we were expecting.
He absolutely will know love – he has you guys for parents!
Drea, I’m not sure if you remember Elsha (she was ChemE at Mines and was in Alpha Phi). Her youngest just turned one and they found out at birth that he had Downs. I’m sure that if you wanted someone to talk with, she would love to talk to you. You, Josh and Henry are in our thoughts. Her blog is vandeblog.com.
I love you so much.
I have never commented before even though I have been reading for years. I send you thoughts hope and strength and peace.
I only know you from reading your blog, but if anyone could get land in the wrong country, have a blast, and dominate, it would be you. You’re smart, talented, and a realist. And, from your story about parking ticket situation from a few years ago, you’re obviously patient enough to maneuver bureaucracy, which will be an asset during this, I’m sure. Not to mention that you have two great guys by your side as your partners in this journey.
I’m so sorry to hear this news and I’m wishing you and your family the best of whatever it is you need most right now – comfort, prayers, love, strength, or all of the above.
I am in tears and shaking as I type this. I just saw the facebook post and linked over as it’s been too long… That could be the most lovely thing that I have ever read. Your soul comes pouring through my computer screen and I am currently giving you the biggest hug I have ever given. I’m pretty sure I’m delusional because of what I just read but I do know that even in an off axis world that I love you guys and I know you’re both strong enough and creative enough to work through everything that will come your way.
Your baby will absolutely know love. You are kind and smart and loving yourself. Wishing you all the best.
Your son will absolutely know love and kindness because that starts with parents and you’ll instill that in your child. This post is full of love for your child. He will also have a big brother to look out for him and walk through life with. It’s all right to be overwhelmed and emotional, this is a difficult thing to face because it’s unexpected and you’re handling it beautifully. Hugs to you, I’ll keep you and your family in my thoughts.
Your love come pouring through your words. Your baby is so blessed to have you and Josh as parents.
You may want to check out my friend Ginger’s blog:
http://www.greenteaginger.com/
and particularly some stuff about when they found out that Jude would have Down Syndrome:
http://www.greenteaginger.com/p/jude.html
She’s an awesome mom of a band of “beasties” and has just wowed me with her perspective and thoughts about down syndrome.
Michelle (club foot mama!)
your baby is going to love and be loved – this journey is going to be hard, but more fulfilling than you can ever imagine.
Grieve if you need to. It’s okay. You are a strong family, and you will be a beautiful and wonderful family for this baby to grow up in. Huge hugs to you.
I’m so grateful for this community you have built through the blog…the previous comments are all so heartfelt, wise, and lovely and I’m so glad that you’re being surrounded by their messages. I can’t really say it better than they did. You are handling it beautifully, and even when you may feel that you’re stumbling around in Holland, your family will land on its feet. This new little guy hit the family jackpot and will know lots of love right out of the gate. I hope I get to see you all and meet the new little guy this year! I love you!
I know nothing anyone can say will make this any easier, but I just wanted to say your boys are so lucky to have you and Josh as parents. Your lives may be different than you imagined, but I have no doubts they will be amazing. Thinking of you guys as you process this. I can’t wait to see his cute little face!!
You are both such wonderfully patient and playful parents to Henry and will be perfect for this new baby too!
Well, I have been following along for awhile, although this is my first comment. I couldn’t read and not say anything. Your son will know lots of love! You are an amazing person and Mom. Sending a big hug your way and thinking good thoughts for you guys.
I encourage you to visit and even reach out to Kelle Hampton over at Enjoying the Small Things.
http://www.kellehampton.com/
I obviously don’t know you personally, but from what I can tell of you and your family, this baby could not be more lucky to have you all to call his own. His life will be full of love and that is all we can hope for our children.
I agree with other comments that this baby couldn’t be more blessed to have you as his mama. You are stronger than you even realize you are. Feel your feelings as you are entitled to do. I know you’ll be doing everything in your power to find your way around Holland and when you do, I know you will tell us all how beautiful Holland is. Hugs to you and your family and stay the strong mama we know you are.
You and Josh have such an amazing perspective on things. I’m at a loss for words and I can’t even imagine what you are going through. This baby is so lucky to have you two as parents.
Wow. So I just discovered your blog and feel like I walked in on a very personal moment, but it was apropos that I walked in. My husband and I are trying to conceive and I have wondered about some of the feelings we would have if our child is diagnosed with anything in utero. Thank you for being so candid and allowing me into your life. I have a strange sense of peace after reading your story. Life does go on and it goes on well- just different. And that’s ok. It has to be. And then it is. Thank you so much.
I know another commenter has already mentioned it but Enjoy the Small Things is an amazing blog. I stumbled upon it a few weeks ago and had to read it all over a few days. Start with this post http://www.kellehampton.com/p/nellas-birth-story.html
you guys are in my thoughts and prayers.
this baby boy is getting one fabulous family.
not only will your new babe know love i’m guessing you, josh, and hen will soon get a chance know a whole new level of love. a level of love and joy that will make your hearts swell beyond your wildest dreams. love you all so much. xo
HUGS!! Thinking about you guys and sending you strength and peace. This baby boy is sooooooooo lucky to have you guys as his parents! And you will be lucky to be his parents. If I know anything about folks with DS it’s that they love with their entire being! He’s going to fit right in with you guys!
Coming out of blog-hiding to comment (you know me from when I used to blog at Zandria.us). Just wanted to say that while I know this is a huge thing in your life — and will be for a long time — you know where you need to go to get support. Blog world, family world, friends world. I’m sure you’ll be able to find plenty of it.
Thinking of you!
Our toddlers are almost the same age, and although I’m not pregnant again yet, I could easily be in the same situation as you – I can only hope I would respond with the same strength you have. I’ve read your blog since you were pregnant with Hen and I think this baby is so lucky to have you all for a family. I’m sure despite all the sad and stressful emotions right now, he will bring you so much joy once he’s here.
I’ve never posted but have followed your blog via the bump (due drops) for the last couple years our little ones are the same age. You always struck me as an amazingly, strong woman. I can’t imagine what you heart is going through but I know this is one blessed child to have you as his mother. Thinking of you!
I don’t think I’ve ever commented here, either, but I just wanted to chime in as another voice of support. It’s obvious that your little boy will be so, so loved by you and Josh and Henry. He’s a lucky little guy.
I heard a wonderful story on Story Corps on NPR this morning about a young man with D.S. who owns his own restaurant. He asked his dad how it felt to have a son with a disability, and his dad said when he was first born, he wasn’t sure he had it in him to be a good dad, but as time has gone on, he’s just so happy and so proud of his son. It was really beautiful (had me crying in the parking lot at work).
Best wishes to all of you.
Another lurker posting for the first time, here!
My “baby” brother just turned 20 and he has Down Syndrome. I have several siblings, but he’s the one I have the closest bond with. He is the most loving, accepting, non-judgmental, sweet, feisty and kindest person I know. When I was a teenager and hated my parents, he’s the one who would come in my room and just sit and give me a hug. He’s high-functioning, but not to the point where he can ever live alone.
Now, I live with my partner and when he and I talk about having kids, he tells me he wouldn’t mind adopting a Downs baby, and honestly I wouldn’t either.
Some things will be harder just because they’ll be different and new, but I have no doubt that you’ll all be very happy. Congratulations! PS I always say that Downs babies look like koala bears, because they snuggle up in these tiny balls.
I’m very sorry that you’re left having to process this – I imagine its shocking. For many years I worked a part time job helping adults with Down syndrome. For what it’s worth – if that job paid enough to live off I could do it full time. Those men and women have touched my life in ways I cannot explain. Their love and enthusiasm for life will stay will me forever. This little boy will bless your life in ways you never knew were possible. From reading your blog I imagine you are already head over heels with that little boy and that love will only grow. You will face challenges no parent ever wants to face, but you’ll handle it with such Grace and your boys will learn from example how to live in this world. I can’t wait to see your new son!
I’ve been reading your blog for years, and although we’ve never met, I’ve been thinking about you the last few days.
Holland isn’t a terrible place. You meet lots of nice people there, and there is still SO MUCH LOVE. So much love. Still an overwhelming sense of responsibility and pride and joy.
If I can give one piece of advice from my personal experience – reach out now – find out how to get involved with local support groups, call your local LLL leader and ask them if they know anything about breastfeeding a baby with DS and if they don’t, ask them to direct you to someone who does, find out about early intervention services in your area and have them scheduled to meet soon after your kiddo arrives…
Your family is going to be amazing with this little boy in it. Remember, as much as it may feel like it, you are not alone.
I just keep thinking about what an awesome big brother Henry will be to this little baby.
Sitting here watching the cursor blink thinking how to convey all my hope and blessings to you from California.
My younger brother has a developmental disability and I can say that being a sibling to someone with a disability has informed my entire life. Growing up with him taught me empathy and gave me a fierce passion for advocacy. His journey–and the journey I share with him–is the phoenix feather in my wand.
Love abounds.
I’ve been following your story for a couple years from your siggy link on the April bumpie page, and I have to say that I believe that you will overcome all the obstacles and be the best possible parents for this baby. It’s not by chance, and you will see all of his abilities instead of his disability. I’m sure it’s going to take a lot of processing and a lot of learning, but you are one amazing mama.
This is a beautiful post, Drea, and you are a beautiful person inside and out. It’s huge and difficult news to contend with, this unexpected trip to Holland. So many commenters above have said it better than I can, but here’s mine: Your love pours through, and your baby is lucky lucky to have you guys as his family, and I know you will rise to the challenges with grace and humor.
This baby is so lucky to have such resourceful, loving, funny people as parents.
Wishing you the best xx
I know that this will probably be a hard journey for you, but I know you will do an amazing job of raising this little man. He will be so loved.
Hope you and your beautiful family know how much you are loved and respected by people all over the world – you are such a special woman and it is such a gift to be able to share in your experiences – highs and lows – sending you lots of strength and love! Henry’s little brother is going to be one lucky little guy!
As the big sister to a woman with a different trisomy, I know you guys will be awesome parents to this little guy. It will be hard, and it will be different, but he will be loved and he will be cared for and it will be fine. Big hugs to you.
Miss you and thinking of you. Hen will be such a great big brother, and you two will be the exact parents he needs.
He will be a beautiful addition to a beautiful family…and he will like things like pokemon cards like all boys do.
Its been a while since we’ve spoken so I heard this from Jilly. I can’t imagine a more caring, dedicated, strong-willed , inspiring woman/mother to take on this next path in life! Know you always have a friend/support in me. My thoughts and prayers for you, Josh and Hen and your parents/extended family. Lots of love and well wishes from the east coast. XOXOX0.
I have been following your blog since we were both expecting baby boys about the same time. Our son Mason has Down syndrome as well. Let me just say….in the end, you will love this child more than you even thought possible.
Our Blog is http://www.prayersformason.blogspot.com
and feel free to contact me with any questions, support, or just to talk!
camaro350cu@yahoo.com
Much love and hugs
Meagan
This is a lucky baby, for so many reasons. You have my complete admiration for your (and your husband’s) mindset! So much love being sent your way.
Sending all the love in the world to your beautiful family. Your new little one will be beautiful and we all love him already!
Beautiful love. Challenges may be many, but successes will count for even more. Congratulations to you and Josh and Hen as you all welcome your new babe into your family
You’re entirely right. It’s not what you were hoping for but uou will feel love. And in return, you’re boy will feel love. And if you encounter hate, eff them. They’re probably miserable people anyway. Much love.
your “holland” post was beautiful, and a great starting point. i only recently “met” you and started reading your blog, but from what i’ve seen so far, your family will be able to embrace these new challenges with love and grace and humor.
He’ll be the luckiest boy in the world to be born into the home of love that awaits him. Just from your posts on here (and from TheBump), I know you to be patient, kind, loving, witty and open minded. The perfect environment for a very special boy who will give the world the love that he learns to give. You’ll be learning so much from each other along the way. Hugs to you, Mama.
I only know you through the bump/due drops and your blog. And, as I post this, I am realizing what a powerful connector the Internet can be. I have followed your beautiful family on your blog since meeting you through the bump and feel compelled to comment on what would have been, years ago, such a private matter. Who am I to chime in? And who am I to have an opinion on your family? Yet, here I am, typing away! The Internet gives me an opportunity to lend support to an otherwise stranger, in a time when I would hope for the same. There is power in outreach and community. And, though we have never met in person, one thing that can be guaranteed is that yes, he will know love. And love is the thing that will get you through the other obstacles (will he be healthy? will people be kind?) While those two unknowns are out of your hands, I hope you can find comfort in the fact that love is all he needs to get through the rest of it. I hope that the kind support from a stranger (me) will give you hope that the world is a good place and that your newest boy is being born into a place where strangers can be kind and family can provide the love that is needed to live a happy life!