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When I shared “Welcome to Holland” with Josh his first response was “that doesn’t apply to us, we aren’t moving to Holland, we’ll just be visiting for a couple of years, then everything will be back to normal.”

I love his attitude, his optimism, his sense of humor and his grace.

Turns out we are moving to Holland after all. Our test results came in and our son has Down Syndrome.

I’m feeling…wow, I’m feeling everything.

I want to say first that we are OK. We aren’t even as sad or as shocked as I thought we’d be. We are crying and reading and laughing and it turns out life goes on. In the face of big news your 2 year old is still bored and still wants to play trains. The world doesn’t stop, who knew?

For some reason we never really entertained this as a possibility. It’s a lot to adjust to. I’ve cried. Then I felt guilty for crying. We have lots to learn. Right now we are pretty overwhelmed.

We are grieving again. The life we planned is gone.ย ย The world has completely tilted on its axis. But there is a new world and we will learn to live in it.

I feel like a fool for ever worrying about treating his clubfoot. This is so much bigger. How could I have ever been worried about how our lives would change? Now all I can think about is his life, will it be hard? Will he be healthy? Will people be kind? Will he know love? I hope so, I believe he will.

I know it’ll be fine. It’ll just be a different life than we were expecting.