She is a little senile, well, maybe more than a little, so we tend to have the same conversations over and over and over again, and breastfeeding is one of her favorite topics with me. I can understand why, it is something that we can relate completely to one and other about despite our generational differences.

My grandma talls me, every time we talk, that she breastfed my mother for 4 months and my uncle for 8. She always apologizes for only breastfeeding my mom for 4 months, as if I’m somehow judging her and goes on to tell me that my mom bit her so she had to quit. Bear in mind that my mother is 60 years old (sorry for outing you mom), some sort of guilt has lingered with my grandma for 60 years over quitting breastfeeding at 4 months. I always tell her that I think it is great that she breastfed at all, I now know from personal experience that it can be natural and difficult at the same time.

I don’t think my grandma has anything at all to feel guilty about. We know how how good breastfeeding is for babies, but I also think it needs to be a mutually beneficial relationship. Especially because it is such a time intensive undertaking. Breastfeeding is wonderful, probably my favorite thing I’ve ever done, but it also takes a degree of sacrifice and determination, if you are a working mom that is.

When I am home, nursing is so much easier than making a bottle. But work is another story; the time I sacrifice pumping, the worry I expend about my supply, the pain and soreness that a week of pumping leaves my nipples feeling. Despite all that Henry and I aren’t ready to give up.

I’ve talked about my struggle with low supply here, but to sum up, I was pretty desperate.  Breastfeeding is very important to me, and I was struggling to produce enough milk when pumping to feed Henry.  When I nursed him at home I never had a problem, but bodies respond differently to pumps than they do to babies, and I just couldn’t keep up pumping at work.  We are lucky to have a bit of a cushion, a freezer with a decent stash of frozen milk, but I knew that by using that milk my supply would only get worse as my body learned that it didn’t to produce that milk.

I begun supplementing my diet with the galactagogues fenugreek and blessed thistle, drinking extra water, eating extra calories, I did power hours, nursing vacations, breast compressions, I tried a new pump, hand expression, even double pumping to trick my body into thinking it was feeding twins.  Despite all of this I got to a point where I was lucky to pump 5 ounces all day (4 20 minute sessions).  There was only one option I hand’t explored and that was prescription medication.  I made an appointment with my OB and his LC, they agreed I was a good candidate for Domperidone.  My doctor was nervous about potential side effects; it is not FDA approved nor does it have a very high success rate.  But, like I said, I was desperate and willing to give it a try.  Armed with my prescription I ordered it from Canada and now, after 4 weeks I am seeing an amazing improvement.  I went from pumping 5 ounces a day to 15, still not enough to feed my boy when I’m gone, but a huge improvement, and I’ll take what I can get.

At this point I’m letting go of the worry.  We can get to one year.  Henry is still getting almost all of his nutrition from milk, and shows no signs of weaning, so although I planned to give up the pump at 1 year, we’ll keep going as long as we need to.  But I refuse to obsess about it anymore, and use like that, we are back to having that mutually satisfying breastfeeding relationship.

Some wraps I’ve been waiting for finally came in and we did lots of wrapping on our long weekend.

Hoppediez Tokyo (FWCC)

Zara Ash (Reinforced Ruck)

Zara Blue Silk (Reinforced Ruck)

Didymos Night Owls (Double Hammock)

It is safe to say that after 4 weeks in my new position we’ve found our stride.

I’m a breastfeeding, babywearing, ass kicking working mama. I don’t spend my whole day missing my kid, I’m too busy, but when I get some spare time, you better believe I call him and tell him I’m going to kisshimkisshimkiss him when I get home.

Four times a day I wash the grease off my hands and sit in a dirty bathroom stall so that I can pump to feed him. At one point in time, pumping in a bathroom might have bothered me, but after so much struggling to boost my supply and keep breastfeeding I’m happy to pump anywhere. I’m looking forward to shamelessly pumping for my toddler while I’m running the mill.

Some weeks I leave before dawn and get home well after night has fallen, but I’m home to nurse my baby when he wakes up at night. Other times I nurse him before bed and I’m off to the mill, home in time to nurse again before his first nap of the day.

Life is pretty good right now in my little house on my little street in our little village. I’m enjoying my job, I’m loving my boy… and I’m so lucky to have my awesome Josh who keeps all the wheels turning so I can go out and make this all work. Without him… well I’d have a dirty baby in a wet diaper no clean clothes and nothing to eat. So hurrah for the ass kicking working mommy, but double hurrah for the hard working stay at home dad!

Balloons

Smooshy kisses

Jamming his fingers into mommy’s mouth

Turning the humidifier off…

and on…

(and off and on and off and on and off and on)

I have no doubt that we can get it sorted out soon.  But until we do I’m just focusing on Henry.  I will say the long weekends are wonderful.

I have a really fun babywearing project int he works that I’ll tell you about soon.

Henry is growing like a weed.  He has four teeth now, he is “walking” all over the place (anywhere he has something to hold on to that is).

I was so, so excited to spend four days in a row with these guys.

One of the things I don’t like about my new job is that when I’m working days I don’t see Henry.  I leave at 5:30 and I get home at 8 and Tuesday-Friday I have no Henny.  It breaks my heart a little to think about it so I don’t.  But in four days? I swear I can see how much he changed in that time.

As much as I miss him, I think he misses me too. My first day home he wouldn’t leave my side, not even to go to sleep.  I finally coerced him into napping by wearing him and napping too in our rocking chair.

I am a baby wearing fool too, all the better to get close to my guy. I just got this mauve Tussah Silk Fish in a temporary trade, it is so pretty and it looks pretty good on me, it makes me wish I liked pink.

We also spent some time in our Garnet Pfau- this is one thick beast of a wrap, I was thinking about selling it, but I finally found a carry I really like for it, and now it isn’t going anywhere.

Right around the time we finished redoing this room I started griping that I had no good clothesd for working out- I got rid of all my old ratty duds and found myself left with one pair of maternity yoga pants.  I’ll tell you, I went back and forth about spending $50 on yoga pants when I was pregnant, I hated to spend that kind of money on something I’d only wear for a few months, but I wore those babies out.  I lived in them while I was pregnant, and I’m sorry to say, for about 9 months after.

So I was going back and forth about buying some new workout clothes, deciding whether I should invest in some good stuff or just hit up Walmart and be done with it when a great big package arrived on my doorstep from my friends at the good old Gap.

Inside were 4 pairs of yoga pants, a new top and a jacket. Needless to say I haven’t worn anything but yoga clothes since.  My favorite are the GapFit gBalance pants, I have been living in them, they have one of those wide fold over tops that makes your post baby muffin top disappear (ahem, if you are looking for that sort of thing).  Josh has made like 8 comments about how skinny the pants make me look.  Note- he specifically credits the pants for my new skinniness, how’s that for a compliminsult?

But he has got a point, they do kind of shrink me a bit. Can’t complain about that.

To satisfy the FTC I’ll blatantly point out that I did receive these pants to try out for free, but I mentioned that already.  And to satisfy any doubt that my opinion or endorsement is anything but my own, I’ll point out that is did not give a ringing endorsement to the skinny-legging-yoga pant.  Some girls look like cooked sausages  in Lycra, and I happen to be one of them, so skinny-legging-yoga pants are no longer welcome on my person.

Josh wanted to take Henry sledding (on a ver small, slow hill). And Josh had fun, Henry was unfazed.

He was quite taken with the snow itself.  Must be pretty amazing to see such a thing for the first time.

Soft like a pillow! Guess I’ll lay down and take a nap!

So, in the past week my work world has been rocked.  On Friday my boss asked me to stop by her office before I left for the weekend and when I got there she floated me a potential job opportunity.  Today I got the green light, and my new job starts Tuesday.  This is big news and it’s all going down at light speed.  Everything about my new job will be different, I’m excited and nervous and I am going to learn a whole lot.

This new job isn’t going to be a big change for me only, but it is going to affect my whole family, because I’m making the switch to working 12 hour shifts, some days, some nights. Josh and I talked it over before I accepted and he is on board, but you know, excited (for me) and nervous (for him) too. 

There are pros and cons to this schedule, longer days, yes, but longer weekends too.  I’ve worked shift work before, and I know it is pretty hard on your body, so I’m not really looking forward to that part of it, but I am so excited for a new opportunity.

So here I am at the part where I’m looking for your advice. 12 hour shifts are…long. 12 hour shifts on midnights feel even longer.  Because it gives Hen a rash I’ve been off caffeine and coffee since he was a few weeks old.  I’m looking for some ideas for energizing snacks I can eat between my meals to keep me going. The more natural the better, but I’m looking for some variety too, so, hit me with your best stuff!